Lies and Fear

Chapter 2: Unseen Scars

Eric

How could I ever say sorry?

It was the fact that Cean was tormenting Kian she couldn’t stand. After all those long months, of having people also do that to her she couldn’t stand for seeing it happen to anyone else. Aqua had often begged me with her eyes when people began to make fun of her, to try and get her to talk but always I would do nothing. I would just stand there. How over the time I have spent here, in the place between the living and the dead she has cursed me so because I would not help her. And how I have cursed myself.

Aqua

After I had stopped what Cean was doing all I wanted to do was leave. People, a lot of people, were looking at me. It was to be expected I guess because he was obviously one of those big shot poplar guys who ruled the school and no one ever stood up to. The poor boy was sitting up now, still shaking. Something tould me this was not the first time Cean had done something like this to him.

It was at the moment when I was looking at the boy trembling on the flour that I asked myself, how do I know Cean’s name?

I didn’t want to know it; I wanted him to just be another nameless face in the crowd at the school. Just someone else to walk past, who’s face I would forget the second I took my eyes off it, who’s voice if I ever herd it I would never remember.

I looked at the boy; slowly I walked over to him. Kneeling down before him so we could see each other’s faces, I held out my hand. He did not take it. The tears welling up in his eyes threatened to over flow. How could I tell him I meant him no harm, that all I wanted to do was help. I wanted to protect him forever, to hold him and tell him it was all going to be ok, that I would take care of him.

Like I hadn’t been able to protect Sam.

I moved my hands in the language I now used and he looked at me. For a single glorious moment the tears died down and he held my in the depths of those ocean blue eyes that seemed so endless. It was with wonder he regarded me and I looked back at him trying to show how I admired him.

If at that time he had been able to understand my form of talking he would have known my hands to say, “Please, don’t run, don’t cry. I promise I’ll protect you. So please, don’t hide yourself behind that mask you wear.” He would never understand, never find out what I vowed that day to his unknowing heart. Only later would we talk with our hands together so that no one could here what we said. I intended to keep my promise that day, but later I would regret and wish I had not done what I had done. I would wish him dead, dieing, hurt. I would ask Cean later to finish what he tried so hard to do.

Kian

She kneeled down in front of me and for a moment I was reminded of Eric, how he had kneeled in front of me and made me sit in front of him. Then I thought of my father kneeling to tell me about my brother and then at last my mother and how she had fallen on her knees in front of me in tears that day when it was raining so badly.

But this girl, this lovely girl, she was none of them. She wanted to say something to me I could see it in her eyes yet fear engulfed me. It made me shake, made tears well up and kept me sitting. As she held out her hand to me my fear increased. Even though she was a girl, even though she was genital and sweet I did not trust her. I did not want to trust her and I was scarred, I was terrified more than anything else that she, with her genital hands, would so much as graze my skin.

Eric

Feeling through Kian I felt his fear as if it were my own. I could feel his body tremble and the tears in his eyes. When I focused hard I could even feel his feelings. Not just the fear, but also the longing not to be scared, the fear of being scarred and not being scarred all at once. How he dreamed of what had happened so long ago and how the nightmares haunted him. I though at first I could control his dreams and so set myself the task of letting no nightmare pass me. But all to soon I realised that me watching him, me focusing on him and being with him in his body simply made the dreams worse and the recollection more vivid. Even I was scarred that the brother I so love would one day fall so deep in his fear that not even I could reach him.