I Love You Too Much to Let Go || ksj [COMPLETED]

Chapter 55

SeokJin's POV

I want to cry. As the eldest Hyung, Is it okay for me to cry? I want my SeokJung Hyung to lean on. If I cry will they respect me as someone who's been through a lot, and comfort me for bottling it all up inside? Or will they think Im weak, a crybaby?
I want to explain things to somebody.
I only have myself. Ive tried so many times but no one understands. I want to vent to my mother. But I did this so she'd be proud of me. Thats what she knows. And if she finds out Im going through this, She'll blame herself.
I dont want her to think its her fault. Its mine. Maybe I did something wrong.
For so many times, Ive cried myself to sleep. I would swear to myself that the next day, Ill tell it all to someone. Ill open to my members, so that once Ive cried it all out, theyd comfort and understand me. My chest would feel lighter. But when the morning comes, I back out.

The past times were better than this. They were hurting me that time, but somehow at some point in the day theyd talk to me. Nowadays not a single word from any of them. If they need something from me, they make a way to be able to fix their problem on their own to avoid having to ask help from me. Its been getting worse everyday.
Thats why, tomorrow Ill go out to talk to PDnim. From the many times they hurt me to the fake conversation with Sana, I want to complain to him. I want to ask him to do something about the position im in now, or else Ill leave.