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l e f t

what does it feel like?

making somebody else cry?

wishing their pain would disappear to the sky.

not being able to sleep sound every night,

with all the pain they were feeling inside.

now, all your questions started with why

"Why did I do that time?"

"Why did I leave her side?"

"Why did she have to end her pain by suicide?"

now tell me, what does it feel like?

being the reason for somebody to take their own life?

After almost a month of not seeing each other, I finally confronted her.

"Not this time, please." she begged. Tears were pooling in her her eyes, she was down on her knees. But I'm done, already sure with my decision. She plead and begged, but I ignored. My feelings for her faded as she started change. She was being so clingy, never wanted me to leave her side. She got angry with little things, it was getting me infuriated.

Then few weeks passed by, a single shadow of hers was not seen. I started missing her. I was an asshole-- I know, but I just wanted a time off, some space. Weeks ago I started ignoring her calls and texts. I don't know why but I just did.

Scrolling through the numerous text of hers in my inbox, my heart sank in each words she sent.

'babe? come over please. feeling rlly down right now."

'babe, I failed the bar exams again, I don't think I won't do anymore better."

'gonna be gone for a weeks babe, just knew my dad passed away, he's with mom and my sister now . hope you'd understand.'

'don't leave me yeah? you're the only one I have left.'

'I'm sorry babe, this thing inside me is too much. just wanted you to know I loved you with all my heart, but I can't continue this life anymore."

I ran and ran until I reached your house.

Now, I'm standing behind your casket, with a broken heart and a soul flooded with regret. I am so damn sorry I wasn't by your side when you were having a hard time. I'm sorry for being the reason you gave up. I'm so sorry I didn't do anything to stop you. If only I could only turn back time, I would never ever leave your side.