My Heart's Apocalypse (Synyster Gates)

Chapter 26

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I stared into space absentmindedly. The guys were chilling in Jimmy’s lounge along with Hayley and Laura, drinking beer and playing one of their stupid card games. I could see them talking but I couldn’t hear a single word.

The sensations turotured me. I still felt Deacon’s hand slithering all over my body. His breathing down my neck, the cunning words he spoke to me while he degraded my body. And I couldn’t shake off the fact that I let him do it to me.

“Come on…” Kayla said barely above a whisper as she walked by me. Her hand closed on my wrist and she guided me to follow her to the hallway. I sighed, I couldn’t keep my emotions bottled up any longer and I would rather break down behind closed doors instead of in front of the guys.

I loitered heavily after Kayla as we made our way to Jimmy and her bedroom, where she pushed the door shut with her foot. Having no idea what to say, I sat on the edge of the bed and exhaled deeply, trying to calm my pounding heartbeat down.

“What’s going on? You’ve barely said a word tonight…” Kayla asked me directly. My eyes were shut and all I felt was the mattress shifting as she sat by my side.

“I-I-“ I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out. There was no way for me to convey what I was dealing with without giving any unnecessary details away. “I can’t say.” I mumbled eventually. “It hurts to say.” My eyes watered involuntarily and I wiped the corners of me eyes quickly.

“Okay.” Kayla nodded, running her hands up and down her crossed legs. “Does it have anything to do with Brian? You haven’t looked him in the eye all day. I can tell something negative’s going on…” She said to me gently, and I nodded. “Did you guys fight?” She tried her luck again, and I shook my head vigorously.

“I did something bad.” I mouthed, sniffling. “To him, and he doesn’t know.” I tried my hardest to tell Kayla the truth. She handed me her box of tissue papers and I blew my nose, I hated crying.

“I see…” Kayla nodded briefly. “How bad?”

“Very bad.” I kept looking at the pointed toes of my patent leather pumps. I couldn’t even look Kayla in the eyes, let alone Brian.

“Always so secretive and discreet.” Kayla sighed loudly, referring to me. “Did you cheat?” Kayla mumbled guiltily, as if she couldn’t possibly even entertain such ideas.

“I had sex with someone.” I confessed heavily, which gave birth to a whole new fountain of hot tears. “Gosh it sounds so fucking stupid but I did it for us, so he would leave us alone!” I exclaimed.

Kayla wrinkled up her nose, frowning. “You mean like an ex of yours? Is there someone stalking you?” She asked directly and I shivered.

“Sort of.” I played with the tissue paper on my hand. “He’s a horrible person. I don’t him to hurt Brian, and if that what it took then I’ll have to suck it up and live with it.” I said quietly.

“Sia…” Kayla turned to face me and cupped my cheek with her soft hand, making me look at her. “Did that guy rape you?” Visible shivers formed on her skin whilst her eyes turned almost as watery as mine were.

I stuttered. Did Deacon force himself onto me? On the one hand, I’m the one who came to him, I let him have his way with me. I slept with him a hundred times but we weren’t an item anymore, he was the devil running my life. But on the other hand, he left me no choice. Who knows? Maybe he would’ve hurt me if I had tried to leave.