Fix You... ( Larry Stylinson)

5

2016

The cold wind is grabbing my shirt while I walk in the dark, I can feel small drops of water that is threatening to fall faster, I don't need it to rain now, I left the car and I'm not planning on getting it.

The drops fall faster and faster and soon it's poring down on me, my t-shirt is dripping wet and my hair is just dropping.

Even my underwear is wet because of the rain.

The headlight on a car light up the road and I just keep walking and I'm so on to my own thought that I don't notice it stopping beside me until I hear the voice.

"Louis?" She sounds so familiar and I don't want to look at her because of what she did. She did this to me.

But no matter how hard I try my head turns to her and our eyes meet.

"Helena." I say and then it all goes in flashbacks. Flashbacks to what she did to me, flashbacks to what I thought would be forever.

"Do you need a ride home?" Her question is so innocent and I almost think she changed until I see the darkness in her eyes.

"No I can walk."

"Come on Louis it's raining... for old times sake"

I don't know why but I get in to the car beside her, the warm car is so welcoming and I don't like it because i know how she can roll me in.

"I heard you found somebody new" she suddenly say out of nowhere. I don't know how she found it out.

"Ashley?" I say... but I already know she isn't talking about her.

"No... Harry... Harry Styles"

"We aren't a thing anymore and haven't been sense 2014." I say and I can feel how the words are so weird to say. It's like my body doesn't want to say it, because I don't want it to be true.

"Don't lie to yourself Louis. You want him and he will be yours someday, you know that you two where meant to be..." the way she say it makes me feel chills.

"Don't you dare touch him!" I say when I hear her tone! She's not allowed to get to him.

She drives the car in to my driveway and I jump out of the car, I hurry away without saying goodbye because I don't need her to roll me in again, she is not allowed to take the little bit of light that's left of me, she wanted to take it all but I won't let her.

She was the one putting all those thoughts in my head. She took all of me and changed me to the man I am today.

And now it's no going back, this is who I am.

2014

I sit there in the chair looking at him standing there talking with Liam, I just sit here and I feel all those emotions, those emotions that needs an end.

I can't.

So I do the only thing my drunken mind can think off. I walk over to the table and take the bottles of alcohol poring them out all over the room, no one notice, no one cares. And then I just take a match from over the fire place and light it on fire... and then just drop it on the floor where I put the alcohol. The wooden floor is catching on fire faster than I thought they would...

And just like that when my eyes meet his I regret it, I have never seen someone so scared and all I want to do is run over to him and bring him outside with me... but I don't because of the wall of fire between us.

I just turn in the chaos of people screaming and trying to make it out... I manage to make it to the door and get out, I just stand a bit from the house and see person after person coming out of the house on fire...

But he isn't one of them... soon everyone is out of the house... everyone except him... why isn't he out?

He needs to make it out. I can feel the panic in my throat, why isn't he out of the house yet?

Why?

I would have run in to the house and look for him if it wasn't for Zayn coming over to me telling me that it was the coolest thing I've done in a long time. He distract me long enough to not run in again...

And then the house collapse and I just look at the burning mess.

I can feel my whole body giving up on me and I'm so close to falling to the ground when I see those curls. Those mesmerizing curls.

He's alive.

But when out eyes meet I know he's not mine anymore. I know I lost him when I did that.

This is for the best... right?

Because I can't love him... I'm not capable of love, and I want him to feel loved because of the emotions I'm feeling for him... I need him to be happy so I need to set him free.

"Louis?" I look at Liam who is cuddling up to Zayn and I can see that he is scared... scared of me.

This is for the best... she told me I wasn't capable of love after what I did. I ruined love so I don't deserve it.

I'm not worthy of whatever love is supposed to be.

2016

I stand in my empty apartment I haven't been home with my family in ages, I don't want to be there. I don't want to see what I caused.

No matter where I go I leave a trail of disaster.

I take a deep breath and walk over to the desk and take up the tiny piece of paper... the little Polaroid picture.

His smile is brighter than I ever thought was possible... and the way my eyes are light.. there is no darkness in them.

I need him... I need him more than ever.