Fix You... ( Larry Stylinson)

8

2016

I'm nervous. I'm not used to this feeling... the feeling of worrying for myself. Why am I nervous? What do I have to be nervous about? I don't have anything really to worry about because Yesterday just told me everything I needed to know...

But still here I am in my car on my way to his house tapping my fingers nervously against the steering wheel... why? I don't know.

This is not me... but lately it feels like I have done a lot of things that isn't me, like the one who I really am is slowly peeking through my facade that I have built for myself.

I park my car outside his house and let out a sigh of relief when I see the movements in his room, he haven't left home yet.

I walk out of my car in to the chilly air and stand against my car waiting for him to get out. I am not letting him live any other way than with me. I need to be the one that drives him to school. I need to be the one.

"Just because we had a little fall back yesterday doesn't mean I want anything with you to do" is the first thing that comes out of his mouth when he sees me. I almost want to smile because of how adorable he looks. He looks different from when I saw him yesterday... happier... he might not realize but I do. I see it.

I see the difference in what he used to act like and what he is acting like now. I see the small differences in his movements that tells me no matter what yesterday was it meant something to him. No matter what it had an impact in a good way on him.

"Well whatever yesterday was I'm offering to drive you to school, so you can either walk in the cold or sit in the car for a few minutes with me." I say and can't help but smile, because I know he never is going to walk in the windy weather, there is no way he will risk walking in this weather when you can literally feel in the air that the rain is on its way.

"I'll go with you only because it feels like it might rain... and that's the only reason I even put my foot in your car again." Lies. I know it from the first word, he wants so badly to just go back to before, I can hear it in his voice that it's not the only reason... but it's the only reason that he will give me.

He won't tell me any other reason I understand him, I'm just happy he is getting in the car with me. I'm happy we're actually moving forward to becoming whatever we are becoming.

He sits down in the car and I look over at him, he looks so young... he's not that much younger than me but right he looks much younger... he looks so innocent... how can he look so innocent when I took every piece of it that he had.

"wanna pick music?" I ask him, but I get my answer when he shakes his head, weird. He usually wants to pick the music and hates when I don't let him. He hates my music.

I scroll through my phone to find a song and don't even bother looking at the road because honestly there is nothing really happening out there....

"Eyes on the road!!"He says suddenly with panic filling his voice. I look up and avoid driving off the road and in to a tree... he needs to learn to live a little.

It's not a big deal driving of the road, I have done it loads of time without anything happening. He shouldn't worry about stupid things.

I laugh a little at him because he is so cute that he actually thinks he will die.

"Stop being such a pussy Styles you're not going to die." I laugh at him and I can't help but kind of realize too late what it was that I said. Fuck.

"Well that's not true. I will die sooner or later... I'm just planning on staying away from you so it later rather then sooner" His words hit me like a brick wall, he is scared of me... he is scared of what I have done to him and how I don't care.

I can't describe my feelings because I have never felt this kind of a pain inside my chest before, it's tugging on me like nothing else ever have.

Neither of us say anything... we just sit in silence and I drive in to the school parking. I park my car and he just gets out. He walks out and the cold wind from his door is like a wake up call.

I decide to walk out of the car.

"Louis?"

I walk over to Harry's side of the car when I hear the voice... what is her name again?

"Ashley?" I say in an annoyed voice... right Ashley... I forgot that she is the definition of annoying bitch who can't leave you alone.

"You never picked me up this morning and here you are with him! You told me he was nothing! That I mean everything to you!" her voice is cracking a little... oh stupid girl.

"You want to know something Ashley? I lied, that's what I do." I look her right in the eyes but stop when I see Harry. The way he changes like my words hit him... fuck...

He is walking away from me... why is he walking away from me?!

I can't let him walk away!

"Harry." I say but for nothing he just keeps walking.

"Harry!" Please stop walking just stop it. Don't walk away from me I can't take it...

"Hazza please..." I don't know if he heard me but I'm breaking over here. He broke me...

And then... he stops... he just stops in his track.

Maybe....

Maybe there's still hope.