Fix You... ( Larry Stylinson)

11

2016

I don't know what I expected when I went to his house, but I defiantly wasn't expecting to end up inside his room. But here I am beside him in his bed after I just happen to have spilled my guts about how he makes me feel, about how I need him to give me a second chance.

I can't help the feeling of how nothing have changed since last time I was here, but the truth is that everything have changed.

"I remember how scared you were... I remember the look on your face when I knew I had lost you" I just feel the need to tell him what's on my mind, what have been on my mind ever since that night when I left him inside of that house.

"I know I did a lot of things to you that scared you, I wanted you to be scared of me in hopes that you would leave me. I wanted you to leave me so I didn't have to leave you. I couldn't walk away from you but I also knew I couldn't be with you" Every word that is leaving my mouth is the truth, or at least I think it is. Harry is making me feel so much things that I can't even keep apart all of the emotions that he makes me feel.

"I thought you would leave me after I held a gun to your head, I was so sure you would have walked out of the house and never came back to me... I was wrong, you stayed and that only made things worse, I fell for you I really did and I was for the first time in my life scared. Im scared right now actually..."

The words just keeps falling from my mouth and right now they feel like the right thing to tell him, the thing that will bring him back to me. I don't know if I'm actually scared or if it is something my mind is making up for him to fall back in love with me, I need him to love me again.

"I'm scared that I will break in to a million pieces and that you will just leave me standing without you. That you will leave me for someone who doesn't make you feel like you're not safe."

The word vomit just keeps falling from my lips and I just can't help but pull the boy close to my chest, the feeling of having him close make the words true, at least for now.

"I don't even know why I left you there in the fire, I don't know why I let you walk home alone and I do not for the life of me know why I left with someone else." I really need to stop spilling my guts for him without him actually saying anything back, I am probably making a fool out of myself.

"I don't feel unsafe... that's the scary part of it all." His words make me stop moving my hand over his arm, how can he not feel unsafe with me? I have put his life at risk so many times, I feel unsafe with myself.

"How?" It's the only thing on my mind, how the hell can't he run the other way as soon as he sees me? How can he fall back in to my arms ever again? I need him to do it but if I was him I never would.

"I don't know the answer for that" When the words leave his mouth it's like the conversation ends, nothing else is said for a long time and I can hear how his breathes are getting heavier, he have fallen asleep there beside me.

I watch him as his chest rises at the phase of his breathing. He looks so peaceful and I can't help feel something pull on my heart.

This must be love, I have no other word to explain it. I need his love to survive, I need to know that he loves me to be able to continue with my life.

I lay there until I finally feel myself slipping in to a light sleep beside him.

I wake up by him trying to move out of the bed and I can't help but tighten my grip around him needing him close to my body.

"Don't leave." My words seem to have stopped him from trying to get up because he falls back in to my arms, I hold him against me and just enjoy the feeling of being close to him.

The moment doesn't last long though because he sits up and takes out a bottle of Vodka from under the bed. I watch him as he is taking a swing and I can't help but to think that this Harry is defiantly not the same Harry that I got to know years ago.