HARRY’S P.O.V.
I need some sort of release from my misery. Today has already been dreadful and it’s only noon. I haven’t left my bed once since Louis left. I can’t get him off my mind and I know that trying is futile, as is sleep. Each time I close my eyes, I see him telling me over and over that he can never look at me the same way. It breaks my heart to know that he thinks differently of me, not that I can expect any less. I looked at my phone once to find calls and texts from Cara. I don’t want to talk to her right now. I know all I’m going to hear are apologies and I could care less right now. I know that I shouldn’t be mad at her, but I am. She knew what was going on more than I did. Either way, she’s the last person I want to talk to. Who can I talk to, though? Liam will lecture me, Niall won’t have any good advice besides “giving it time”, and Zayn will zone out as I talk. I would call Gemma, but she’ll only worry, which also rules out my mum. It would be a bit awkward to talk to them about the situation anyway, given the amount of sexual involvement. Ed or Eleanor are my best options. Seeing as Eleanor is the one person that knows Louis and I both so much, I decide to call her first.
Before I call anyone, I need my fix. I keep sweating profusely, but shaking every time I remove the sheets from my body. I can’t seem to win. I know that my system is just reacting negatively from the lack of chemicals it has become so accustomed to. I quickly find the pants I was wearing last night on the floor near in the hallway and search the pockets for my small supply. I start to become frantic when it isn’t there. I look around on the floor where my pants are, but it is nowhere to be found. I search the kitchen and living room, considering that it could have fallen out or been put on the counter. I don’t see it anywhere. I grab my phone and reluctantly call Cara.
“Harry, thank god. I’m so so sorr-“
“Cara, I don’t want to talk about it right now. I just need to know if you saw a small bag of cocaine at any point last night.”
“Cocaine?”
“Did you see it?”
I’m becoming aggravated with her stupidity.
“No, I didn’t. I remember you saying something was gone and you seemed concerned, but you
never mentioned it again.”
Shit. It must be at Louis’. I had to have dropped it there. I run my hand through my hair and pull on it slightly, wondering what the hell I’m going to do.
“Alright, bye.”
I hang up before she can add anything else. What if Louis finds it? He’ll be so upset; as if I need to give him another reason to feel that way. How could I be so fucking careless? I feel dizzy and irritable. I know exactly what will make those feelings go away, but I don’t have any. I look back at my phone and decide to call Eleanor before I call my dealer, Kevin, for more. Eleanor needs to go
to Louis’ flat and get the cocaine before he finds it. My hands shake as I find her contact information and my heart aches as the phone rings. I’m scared to tell her about everything I’ve done, but I need to talk to someone and she’s the only one who can help.
“Harry?”
“El, I’ve done some really terrible things-“
She cuts me off abruptly, her voice booming into my ear.
“You’re god-damned right you did. I don’t even know what to say to you, Harry. Louis just fell asleep, but he has been crying all day. Not only is he hurt and angry, but now he’s fucking worried about you! How did you accomplish all of that in one day? Really, Harry? Cocaine? How stupid can you be?”
