Supernatural Oneshots English -CLOSED-

Stone by stone

This one is inspired by a real letter.

I don't usually warn but fair warning: This one's dark. Really.

I started picking up stones right after my first doctors appointment. I didn't tell him why, I just did.

"What's that for?", Dean asked as he saw me pick up a little stone by the street.
"It's...just pretty.", I shrugged it off and put it in my pocket. I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

***

"Dean, stop it!", I laughed and tried to get out of his grip but he kept tickling me.
"I like your laugh.", he just said and placed a kiss onto my neck.
"I mean it!", I laugh but he hugs me even tighter.

"You're beautiful.", he says out of breath.
"You're a jerk.", I answer and punch his shoulder plafully.
Suddenly the scene changes. Blood is dripping down my Hands and I'm holding a bloody knife. My whole body is shaking and I look up in horror.
Dean is lying infront of me. Vomiting blood, holding his bleeding stomach.
I scream. I scream as loud as I can.

"Y/N..",he chockes and I shut my eyes.

"Y/N!"

I woke up screaming and shaking in Deans arms. I grabbed his shoulder and bit myself into it still trying to get out of the dream.
"It's okay. I'm here. You're awake.", he tried to calm me down but we both knew that it would take me at least two hours to come back to myself.

***

I had attacks like that every other night. I couldn't sleep alone. I couldn't be alone in genral. I would loose track of time and place. I would hear things. See things.
"Y/N? Are you alright?", the voice of someone pulled me out of my thoughts.
"Hmm?", I said still staring at the table trying to figure out what was going on.
"Could you give me the butter?"

I looked up to see Dean.
"Hey Dean.", I said and smiled at him. His face lit up and he took my hand into his.

"Hey baby."

"Aren't we hunting today?", I asked him and tried to remember our last job.
"No. We finished last night. It's our day off.", he said and flashed me a smile.
Little did I know that Sam was already on his way to handle the job that came in that day and Dean was staying behind for me.

***

And then there were the worst days. I mostly don't remember them. They always have to tell me what happened afterwards.
It usually starts with me hearing things. Voices. Telling me to come. To do stuff. And then I start seeing things. People. Loved ones.
"Y/N...Please put that down.", someone said but I shook my head furiously.
"No! I have to kill you. You're a monster. Monsters don't deserve to live. That's what we do we hunt you.", I said the voice in my head telling me I was killing a Djinn.

"Y/N. It's me. Dean.", he said and I shook my head again.
"Dean told me you'd say that. You're lying! You're trying to manipulate me.", I shouted and was ready to shoot.

"Cas now!", he yelled and suddenly I felt two hands on my head and my knees gave in. Gun falling.
Immediatly two strong arms were there to catch me.
"I've got you. I always got you.", he said and I laid my head against his chest feeling dizzy.
"What happend?", I asked and was wondering why we were on the floor.
"Nothing.", he assured me but it was not nothing. It was everything.

***

I had collected 112 stones until that particular doctors appointment.
"You're doing amazing Y/N!", Dean exclaimed as soon as we left the office and swept me off the ground into his arms.
"You're making progress. You're going to be fine. We are going to be fine!", he added and spinned us around until we were left a giggling mess. I made small progresses. Babysteps.
Less terrifying dreams. Less voices. Less wounds. Less...damage.

I had 112 stones for a long time. About a year. Dean had started to go on hunts again, while I stood at home. I was able to sleep for longer periods of time. I wasn't dreaming that bad. I wasn't...hallucinating.
I had 112 stones for longer than a year. I was even thinking about throwing them away. But then...Charlie died.
And I started collecting again. 113, 114, 115, 116...
Nightmares, Voices, Hallucinations and counting.

***

I don't know when I decided to use my stones. Maybe stone by stone. Maybe not.
But I can rememeber the evening.
Dean in his room. Crying. I've never seen hin cry before. He was looking tired. Exhausted. I haven't seen him smile in....yeah how long?
He was always worried, always at home, always ready. I walked up to him and took him into my arms. I took care of him. It was one of my good times. Where the old Y/N existed. It was the only time in so long where we were only Dean and Y/N on the bed. Spending time together.

I woke up early in the morning. Dean was still asleep. Snoring lightly. Even though he said he wasn't.
I stood up quietly and gave him a last kiss on his head, before I put on my jacket with the deep pockets.
Up until that day I had collected 257 stones.
I put 128 in one pocket and 128 into the other, so one stone was left. It was hard walking but that wasn't concerning me. I was feeling...light hearted.

I took that last stone and put it on the note I left for Dean on the table. And then I walked out of the room. Going to the lake. Our secret place with Dean.

***
Dean must've found the note when he woke up. I don't know how he reacted but he must've read this:

Dearest,
I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer.
I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. 

I may have forgotten a lot. Confused a lot. But I always knew one thing. That I love you with all my heart. And I want you to be happy. Be happy, Dean.

Forever yours,

Y/N.

***

I don't know what happened. What he did with the letter. With the stone. But I know what happened with me. After I left.

"I love you Dean.", I whispered before I jumped into the water. The weight of the stones pulling me down. Stone by stone.

A/N: I hope you liked it...?