He's not my dad

48

"It's been 3 months " he's not coming.

I know my mums right but still I sit by the window and watch out for him. I think I will spend my whole life waiting for him.

"Chuck will come, he will want to meet his son" I don't know if I'm trying to convince her or myself.

Our son Harry was born a month premature but I  was lucky that he was healthy. I had thought I was going to lose him after my horrendous accident, I was put on bed rest for what felt like years. I waited for chuck then, I waited for him to visit me while I recovered but he didn't. He's not asked once about his child, I thought that maybe he didn't know or he had assumed the baby was joes.

This theory was busted when Greg visited the hospital to meet his grandson. He had arrived with an arrangement of flowers so big that they didn't fit on the side. I had  tried to be happy that he wanted to be a part of his grandsons life but I couldn't get over the fact that chuck was absent. I knew he was busy with the band and their new singer but the birth of his son mattered too.

"He might not know where I'm living"

"Greg knows where you are, if chuck tried he could find you" my mom argues.

I nod. I look into Harry's eyes and wonder how anyone could not love him. I would give my last breath to see him smile, he's everything. How could chuck miss this. Why would he chose to miss out on the miracle that is his son.

I had sold my apartment and moved to the suburbs. It had taken a lot of adjusting but in the long run I wanted Harry to grow up having a garden like I did. I missed my family and bree, I didn't get to see them as much as when I lived in the city. I know I did the right thing, the city had so many ghosts. I say I want to move on but I sit pinning at the window waiting for chuck to return to me.  I wasn't living, I was just breathing.

"I always liked that boy, I don't know why he isn't coming around. He knows you love him"

I stroke Harry's pale soft cheek and feel my eyes well up. I know chuck would love him like I do if he just came to see him. Harry looks so much like his father it's like a dagger in my heart every time I look at him.

I don't know if it's chuck I miss or whether it's the fact that he's missing out on Harry.

Since I was hit by that car things have been rough. It took me over a week to come around, I had been a mess. I was in so much pain but because of my pregnancy the stuff I was put on wasn't cutting it.

I would suffer from the most bizarre nightmares and would wake up screaming. I would call out for chuck, all I wanted was him. We haven't seen or even spoken to each other since that night in the bus, like a loser I stalk his social media so I feel like part of his life.

For months I had googled his name and read every article that mentioned him. I would hang on every bit of gossip like it was fact. I would spend hours looking at his photos, I missed him so much.

I was looking out of the window when I heard the scrunch of gravel, I sat up in my chair and craned my neck to see who had arrived.

My mum sighed at my desperation before standing. "It's your father, he's come to pick me up. Sorry darling"

"Where's my bruiser of a grandson" my dad called as he moved through the house.

His face lit up like Christmas when he saw Harry, without hesitation he took the baby from my arms and walked around the room with him.

"I've missed you young man " my dad says as he kisses Harry's head.  He's so good with him, it's like he was meant to be a grandfather.

"I saw Greg at lunch, he said he was popping by later"

I nod, Harry is so lucky to have 2 grandfathers who love him so much. Chucks mother hasn't been to meet Harry but I'm not surprised really, not after what's gone on.

-------

"Get dressed, you have been cooped up in here too long" Greg gently demands as he walks in the house.

"I like being cooped up" I complain

His face makes it very clear that he doesn't believe me "I know you better than that, get dressed"

I shake my head.

"You wouldn't deprive your son of a afternoon at the zoo would you"

"He wouldn't know we were even at the zoo" I try to sound stern but I already know I'm going to give in. The corners of my mouth are pulling up.

"I'll dress Harry here while you doll yourself up, you have an hour "

I nod and hand Harry to him.

I haven't left the house other than to shop or visit family since Harry was born so I hadn't needed to make an effort. We were only going to the zoo but it was a chance to do my make up and to feel like myself again.

I dressed in skinny jeans, a white top and a blazer and wore pumps on my feet. I styled my hair and covered my face in make up.

I smiled when I caught sight of my full appearance in the mirror "welcome back Taylor"

I walked down the stairs and laughed when I saw Greg had dressed Harry in pants a waistcoat and even a tweed bow tie. He was a little overdressed for the zoo but he looked cute so I didn't say anything.

"Wow"

"Do I look good enough to be seen out in public with" i joke.

"Yes that's the Taylor I know and love"

I swear I stopped breathing, I think I felt my heart fall.

"I mean, you look ok. Let's go" he said quickly walking out of the house.