Yes...Another Rant Book (OLD discontinued)

The "Find a Critic" Thread

This is long overdue, I mean long overdue. Remember how I said good critics are there to help you? It's true, but sadly good critics only make up maybe 10% of wattpad's population. The other 90% are a bunch of popularity hungry, lazy, unreliable jackasses. And you know what else? They usually post in the "Find a Critic" thread, one of the only places to find critics. 

Now of course I'm not saying every critic who posts in that thread sucks. There are few good souls there who genuinely want to help others improve their stories. They just get buried under a bunch of crap! Posts in this thread typically look something like this: "Hello! I'm badcritic111 and I wanna critic (that's right, they're offering services and don't know the difference between a critc and a critique) your stories. I will only critic one chapter. Payment for that one chapter is a follow, a dedication, a genuine comment on my 1D fanfiction Harry Styles in Space, an arm, a leg, and the deed to your house. PM me! :D"

This is ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous. First off, asking for something in return at all suggests the critic is only doing it for reads and follows. Then the payments are insane. Then after doing all this bullshit, you finally get the review and it says something like this: "oh it was good. I liked it. Good job." Things like this make me want to smash my head through a wall. Obviously this critic doesn't give a rat's ass about helping you or anyone else out. But you know what? The fact that they got back to you at all makes you lucky. 

These are the unreliable critics. Sometimes they'll have a convincing post: "Oh I'll do this, this, and this, and you know what? It's all for free! I'll get back to you as soon as possible. :D" Thinking you struck gold, you'll message them and ask for a critique. "Oh of course!" says bullshit artist critic. Then you wait...and wait...and wait. Then you wait more. It's been a couple days, not so bad. They're probably busy. Then a week goes by.Then two weeks. Then a month. Next thing you know, it's been three months and they still haven't given you a review. So now you're pissed. You message them.

"Hey asshole, you were supposed to review my story three months ago! What are you doing?"

"Oh, I forgot."

^ What--the--hell? If you're not going to commit, don't make a damn post! Obviously you don't give a shit either! Even then, you're still lucky, because they replied to you at all. Sometimes I message a critc all nice like:

"Hey, I saw your ad. Would you mind critiquing my story?" 

"............"

Then that happens. They don't answer me at all. They have their stupid ass post there, but they don't answer me. I decide to give them some time to get back to me. Then I end up waiting for a week. So I message them again, doing my best to hide the fact that I want to gauge their eyes out with a crayon. 

"So, are you gonna give me a review?" 

And guess what?

"......."

Yeah, this douchebag and-a-half is completely ignoring me. If you don't want to critique anymore, just tell me! Take down your post, say you're closed, something. I'll be less pissed if you just told me you don't want to critique my story instead of ignoring me! If you offer your services as a critic, commit dickweeds! It just pisses me off to no end.