Yes...Another Rant Book (OLD discontinued)

Elitist Gamers

I have found a new source of hatred, one that rises through the ranks of things I hate in this world. Elitist gamers. They have to be the biggest stain--stratch that--biggest splatter on the gaming community. These kinds of people are what gives us gamers a bad name, let me tell you. Now, I love video games. They've been a part of my life since I was a small child. I even want to work for a video game company someday. But I have to say, I'm pretty anti-social when it comes to gaming and now I know why. I don't like it when people critique the way I play. I don't like when they tell me what attack to use or where to go and those things are exactly what an elitist gamer does, times infinity! Anyone here play the game by the name of Super Smash Bros? Any one of them counts.

So let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, a happy little gamer named Casual got invited to play the brand new Super Smash Bros on the Wii U. Casual was very excited to play; she didn't have a Wii U and had only played it a couple times, this one being the second. So Casual played with her friends Trollowitz and Hyper. The new game was exciting, but then along came a gamer named Elitist. Elitist, as soon as the game started, started spewing out a constant, endless stream of bullshit that could reach the farthest ends of the galaxy. Elitist never shut the hell up about how he was "doing the most damage" how the other players were "using the cheap characters" "spamming" how he "totally destroyed us" and would constantly roll his eyes and bitch about Casual not knowing some of the controls. Never mind that it was the second time she had ever picked up  Wii U controller. Plus, everyone else playing "didn't know anything". Then Casual picked up a crowbar--with the tip heated in the fires of Mount Doom of course--and beat the living shit out of him. The end.

Oh how close I came to that ending being a reality. Jesus Christ, the level of bitching, pissing, and moaning throughout the whole goddamn gaming session could've filled ten books the size of a dictionary. I couldn't believe this type of gamer existed, if you wanna even have the displeasure of associating them with the gaming community. I had heard of elitist gamers in the past, but I never really paid much attention to them. I thought they were only a concern in online gaming. Holy steaming hairy shitballs was I wrong! Never, ever, ever in this galaxy or another, play any kind of game with an elitist gamer, ever. Unless of course, you like having someone bitch at you the whole game and critique every move you make while constantly reminding you of how much you suck and how much better they are at the game than you. 

Congrats buddy! You're good at Super Smash Bros! Of course, elitist gamers fail to realize this one thing: it's Super Smash Bros. I mean, really. Let me say it again: Super...Smash...Bros. They understand this game is not meant to be taken this seriously, right? I mean for God's sake, whenever the characters on  screen die, they either (A) Explode (B) Fly off in the Distance screaming and then disappear with a twinkle or C) Go splat on the screen (which looks hysterical as hell by the way). Also, this game has a shit ton of different modes you can do and so many methods of making a match as ridiculous as possible. It's supposed to be fun!

That leads to a huge question I have: do elitist gamers have any fun? I'm being dead serious right now. Do elitist gamers have any kind of enjoyment from their games? Isn't that the entire point of video games? If not, then I've been playing them wrong my whole life. Sorry, I just had this huge misconception that video games as a media of entertainment were supposed to be enjoyable. Why the hell else would they call them video games? Games! Sweet baby Jesus with a cherry on top, if you're not having fun, go away! Are elitist gamers so desperate to prove their "superiority" that they literally stick around to beat casual gamers? I don't understand! 

Fantastic, elitist gamer! You're good at a game. Please excuse me while I go erect a statue of you holding a golden controller over your head to honor you and your godly gamingness. I'm clearly inferior to you in every way because you're better at this game than me. I promise never to anger the god of gaming ever again! In fact, I will come to the statue of you every day and sacrifice a lamb in hopes of becoming as good of a gamer as you. Well, actually I will never be as good of a gamer as you in your eyes because you're the elite! I can only hope to become half as good! Give me a goddamn break! I can't even begin to comprehend how anyone could possibly go through a life of gaming with this state of mind. What do they do the whole time they play? Just sit there, watch themselves play, and think about how amazing they are? 

Here's some advice, and I don't wanna have to play this card, but this type of gamer has pushed me to the limit: get a life. Yeah, I just said that. Get yourself a goddamn life. If all you're gonna do is bitch like a six-year-old child whenever a game's not going your way, then drop the controller and go away or go play with your other elitist gamer friends who might actually give a shit about your status. I will have none of it. This has brought me to a point where I will now personally ask someone if they consider themself an elitist gamer. If they say yes, I won't play with them. End of story. It's not worth the frustration, anger, and various scenarios of fantasy murders. 

People can be passionate about gaming. It's totally fine! There's nothing wrong with that. But once they start using this as an excuse to gloat about how they're better than everyone then they can go to whatever circle of Hell they slithered out of. Don't ruin my gaming session just because you have this delusion that you're better then me in every conceivable way because you're good at video games.