there is an explanation for earlier. i had fallen asleep after getting home, and i plan on not doing this ever again, but in this nap thing i had a nightmare. not the usual where there is blood every where. and it mainly involved Jannessa...in the nightmare i did anything i could for Jannessa to hate me, anything and everything...i did it all. killed her family, killed her friends. destroyed everything she loved (no, i don't really know what she loves). it was all gone, and at the end of it i went to bed, happy on what i did. woke up and i instantly wanted to die because of that nightmare. at the time it felt real, as if it happened, now it doesn't. i don't want to do anything to hurt Jannessa in anyway. if i did, then i couldn't live with myself. she doesn't read these. i didn't ask her. but i know she doesn't read these updates...i have only been able to listen to Fall For You since i woke up. and i will most likely only listen to it for a few more days...i want to talk to her...but i know i never will
