The Trip to My Heart (BxB)

Chapter 23

*WARNING! There are suicidal thoughts in this chapter. If you're not comfortable with that then please don't read ahead.*

Elliot's POV

My life feels like it's crashing down. I can't even keep myself straight. I haven't eaten. I've barely slept since the Gavin incident. The guilt is eating at me.

It's been a challenge trying to get to work every morning. Most of the time I don't even go anymore. I know it's not the smartest thing to do, but I physically can't.

My body always feels weak and achy, as if I've run a marathon daily for the past few weeks.

At this point in my life, I really wish I could just die. I feel as if I no longer have a purpose. I was meant to fall in love and get married and start a family. Now.. I can't do that anymore. The one thing that made me a better person is gone. Leighton..

I have no hope for my future. I'm never gonna live up to be the person my parents wanted me to be.

"Don't give up.." Mom would say. Her sweet voice always put me at ease. I wish she were here now. She would know exactly what to do.

But she's not. All I have is myself, and I've never really been able to cope with things on my own. It's a curse.

I'm removed from my thoughts when my phone vibrates, notifying me that I got a text message. Why bother checking it? I think. It's probably just Gavin, anyways.

I proceed to throw my phone across the bedroom so it hits the wall leaving a dent, and then swiftly lands on the bed.

Now what am I supposed to do?

I now lie in bed with my hands covering my face. There's nothing to do but sleep. It's the only way I'll be able to forget. So, that's what I do. I sleep. For a horrifyingly unhealthy amount of time.

•••

I wake up. It's 7 p.m... the next day. I slept 27 hours undisturbed. Yet, I don't feel any better. I still don't bother to check my phone. Seeing Gavin's name on the screen when I turn it on isn't gonna do anything but put me in an even worse mood.

So guess what I decide to do?
Go back to sleep.

After I pee, of course.

•••

9 a.m, 14 hours later, my phone is going off again. This time, it's my boss. Ohh, shit. I bet this isn't a "just checking in" call.

I answer, saying something along the lines of "hello," but incoherently, since I somehow managed to sleep 41 hours straight.

"MR. ROGERS, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOU'VE MISSED TWO FULL DAYS OF WORK WITHOUT CALLING IN SICK?!" He screams through the phone. Two days may not seem like a lot, but when you're working at a high protocol corporation like the CDC, it matters, especially when you're the bosses favorite.

"I'm so sorry sir, I really haven't been feeling like myself lately, and I've been taking some time to recover from the Denmark trip." I weakly respond.

"Did you at least do that paper work I gave you?" He questions, his voice drowning in annoyance. "No sir.." I whisper.

"Elliot, you're fired. Goodbye." And just like that, he hung up. Life keeps throwing boulders at me, like it wants me to give up, I think.