swxtched. | jhs

DON'T SAY ANYTHING

❝ some way, somehow, say it all, say it now— or don't say anything. ❞

•

❝ DO YOU LIKE sad movies?"

Green scoffed past smiling lips. "I guess. Why?"

"We should watch a sad movie together. I want to hold you and wipe your tears because the only time I've ever seen you cry was way back when we first switched, and you were frustrated, and I felt too awkward to touch my own face, and— wait, I've never seen you in your body cry when I think about it— so yes, it is my life goal to see you cry."

"I'm shook," she said flatly.

"'Don't say shook,' she once said," Hoseok chortled. "'I will smack you to Tartica,' she said. 'Coconut head,' she said."

"Shut up," she cried (but not literally, to Hoseok's disappointment). "It's Antartica, you coconut head fxck."

He burst into a fit. "For a second there I thought you were someone else invading my girlfriend's body. I was about to kiss someone I didn't know."

"What are you talking about."

Hoseok touched her cheek with the tips of his fingers and leaned in.

The more time she spent with him, the more sure she felt that she really did like him. It wasn't easy to admit that she liked him too easily for her taste, especially since she avoided people like him all her life. She was comfortable with being away from social butterflies, actual suns with legs and a mouth that wouldn't dare to shut up.

She was.

The two still hadn't switched. It was still surprising, and Green would find herself rubbing her temple every time she felt a bit dizzy or even just a slight pain in her head. The pain never went to excruciating levels, nor did she wake up in his body, and not that she liked that, but that was simply what she was used to.

Being back to herself, not fearing for her naked body in the shower or for switching during finals, was both... freeing and unconventional.

Around her parents, Green decided it was best that she didn't say anything yet. They were busy, they were stressed, they had their own world she didn't want collided with hers. She felt like they'd ruin the joy she finally allowed in her life, and she'd further dampen their thunderstorms.

Of course, as far as Hoseok knew, her family was just going through a rough time. Yoongi had respect for his parents to some extent, but Green witnessed him yell to their face that he wished not to be like them as his goodbye. He swore to them that he'd make them grimace in defeated pride when he succeeded in his music career. And even then, they stubbornly didn't support him.

Green's depression over her brother's disconnection and her anxiety over her own passions washed over her for a very long time. Yoongi's retaliation towards his parent's wishes happened since she was in middle school. Everything went downhill when he decided to stand up for himself at only thirteen, fourteen years old.

It was worse when she had to pick sides.

Instead, Green shut her mouth and didn't say anything.

When Hoseok didn't ask, she didn't say anything. And she didn't ask either. He didn't say anything either. Their passions and thoughts of the future were always ignored, and they focused on the now, the present, while they were each other's gifts— because they didn't know how long that joy would last.

Before winter break ended, Green opted to visit the library and get some tea at the café downtown as usual, when she ran into someone on the way. Her attention on her warm breaths in the cold winter air distracted her from the person she bumped into, when his voice cut the silence.

"Min Geurin-ssi?"

Her body went rigid at her name as she stopped in her tracks, and she turned slowly, as if dazed. The sight of his bushy brows and big, noticeable ears formed a name in her head, and her eyes lit up in recognition.

"Park Jinyoung-ssi," she greeted, mouth open, blinking off the snow sticking to her lashes. "Hi."

"You look well," Jinyoung said, turning around fully to face her. "We don't really talk, huh? I don't why I stopped you, I just... you look well."

Green took in a breath and nodded sluggishly. "No, it's fine. You look well too."

That was a lie. He looked like a mess, like he just wanted to rush and escape his house. The clumsily-tied scarf and the wrinkled sweater, along with his socks with sandals all pointed to this— not to mention, she herself personally knew what his rushed attire indicated.

"You know what, forget what I said. Are you okay?"

She thought she'd regret it, but instead her heart was beating. Beating in adrenaline, as if she wanted to help him. Green couldn't remember the last time she cared for someone other than Hoseok, and even in his case, it didn't happen so readily.

Jinyoung remained still, and the two stared at each other for what felt like an agonizingly long time. His throat ran dry, and so did hers.

When he shook it off— something she expected, really— he answered, "I'm fine. Just needed to step out in this cold weather. I love the cold."

"I do too," she agreed musingly, peering down at her feet. "But warmth isn't so bad either. You should get inside soon. That thin cardigan won't protect you from the flu."

"Right... you too," he mumbled, loud enough for Green to hear, as they were about to part ways. That was, until he turned back at the same time as she did, and they stifled a laugh at the same time too.

"Something you need?" Green asked.

"I meant it," Jinyoung stressed, pulling up a corner of his lips and waving. "You look well. I think it's because you're dating Hoseok, or because of him, but maybe it's all you."

Her smile felt stiff in confusion.

Something about his tone paralyzed her, as if the cold penetrated her skin and gave her goosebumps. The mood changed at that instant, her surroundings slower and fuzzier. Something about his eyes on her made her feel exposed.

"Are you two still switching?" he called out from behind his shoulder, tugging at his thin sleeves and walking away.

Green didn't say anything.

•

❝ i gave you the part of me, the one and only you could see. ❞
『 written on 2017.10.22. | 2017.11.13. 』

【 NOTE—tears are rolling down my face why didn't i get into day6 sooner 】