Hellfire • L.A.

Valerian Tea

I sat at breakfast with the biggest migraine of my life.

The drinking got a little out of hand last night, especially after the Survey Corps superiors all went back to their own rooms. I vaguely remember raiding the liquor cabinet and finishing a whole twenty ounce bottle of gin on my own. Honestly, I have no idea how I made it up to my room on the fourth floor, but I did.

My oatmeal remained untouched as everyone else around me munched happily on toast and grits. They might as well make the most of this breakfast. With the upcoming expedition it might be the last for some of them.

"You know Lux, you really should try to eat. Food might help with the sick feeling and headache." Laura smiled at me with concern and I nodded at the sweet girl.

"I know. I'm just really not feeling apple cinnamon oatmeal this morning."

"Here, have my eggs." Bran shoved his plate towards me but I pushed it back over to him. He frowned and  I shrugged.

"You need to eat. I'm really not hungry, you guys."

Timothy, another one of the comrades in our squad, was focused on something behind me. He hadn't even spoken since I sat down. I was getting a little worried to be honest. Normally he was extremely talkative, but for some reason the teenager was silent.

"Hey, Tim, what's up?" I kicked his leg underneath the table, and his head jerked over to me in surprise.

"Oh, sorry captain. I was just watching something."

Bran, Laura, and I all share a confused look. Timothy goes back to the staring and Bran puts a hand on his shoulder.

"If you're checking someone out you might as well make your move kiddo. You only live once!"

"No, it's not that." Timothy looks away from whatever has his attention and back to all of us. He leans his body slightly forward so we can hear his hushed voice.

"That short, grumpy captain is watching us."

I almost spit out the orange juice I've been drinking.

"What? You mean Captain Levi? He's a weird guy honestly." Bran cranes his neck to try and see Levi, but if he's trying to be subtle he's doing a shitty job.

I look over my shoulder quickly, and sure enough Levi is sat at a table with Hanji and Mike, staring right at us. Right at me, to be exact. He has no shame in it either obviously, as he doesn't break eye contact.

We're locked in a stare down until something Hanji says grabs his attention and he finally looks away. I turn back around to my own table after a few moments of him waiting to see if he'll look at me again.

"Say, Captain Elton, was he looking at you?" Carla furrows her eyebrows together with a slight blush on her cheeks. This girl honestly seems way to nice to have done anything criminal. Maybe she was a petty thief, who knows. 

"You can just call me Lux, Carla. And maybe, I don't know. He's probably just..."

A flashback from last night makes me trail off, losing my train of thought.

Levi had said something to Erwin that made me feel angry for some reason. I can't think of what it was exactly, but I know I definitely called him an asshole.

I had been crying. It was foolish of me to drink even though I know I become emotional, but I figured I could hide it pretty well. It's been a few years since I had even begun to drink recreationally.

Obviously I didn't hide it nearly as well as thought I could. I knew as soon as I returned to the table from standing by a window Levi noticed my puffy nose and swollen eyes. There was no way he didn't. The way he looked at me was softer than his usual cold glare, and it almost felt like he knew what was happening.