Hellfire • L.A.

Hurt

a/n: college is so much work whew!! I'm surprised I've been able to keep up with this book for the short amount of time that I've been able to lol (does that make sense??) anyway I want to preface this chapter with a warning. There's a brief mention of depression (the very beginning) and I just want to make sure everyone is okay with reading that. If not I recommend skipping to the part where Eren knocks on the door aka the start of the fifth paragraph. Just looking out for you guys!! Also thank you for the support from my new readers and old ones as well, it means a lot :)

The clock on the wall of my room was getting too loud for me. For the past three days I had been holed up in here, refusing to leave or see anyone other than my original squad. The ticking of the clock hanging above the bed was the only thing I had been listening to for three days, and it was starting to get old.

Thankfully no one from Phoenix had died on that sudden expedition three days ago, but we had suffered plenty of injuries. An officer was down as well as three cadets. In fact, my knee was just barely healed up again from two weeks ago. Hanje has been making me do walking exercises with her as a way to get me out of the room, but once those were over with I would always return to bed.

I'm so blue all the time. Maybe I've been this way my whole life, or maybe it only began once my sister passed. Or maybe it's because I blame myself for everyone's death whether I can control it or not. Glenda was right. I really do worry too much about things I can't control.

This was only going to get worse, I knew it. As soon as Hanje and Levi left with a group of cadets this afternoon for protective purposes, I would be screwed. Half of my squad was going with them for security. I would be alone.

A soft knock on my door pulls me from my thoughts and to the present once more, and I sit up in bed.

"Yeah?" I try to sound like I haven't been thinking of all the things I could've done better when I was younger.

The door creaks open slightly and Eren's head pops in. "Commander Lux, I wanted to come say goodbye."

I sit up straighter, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. "You can come in, Eren."

He walks further inside and takes a seat at my desk next to the bed. "Why aren't you coming with us, if I'm allowed to ask that?" His big green eyes are still so bright for someone that can turn into a man eating Titan.

"I have some unfinished business in Mitras, but I'll meet with you guys soon. I promise." I smile gently at him. Eren nods and leans back in the chair.

"Commander, can I ask you something?"

"You're always asking me things Eren. But, go ahead." I nod to him and laugh, but he doesn't look amused. I roll my eyes at his stuff nature. "You've got to stop taking everything so seriously. I get that you're supposed to be humanity's hope and whatnot, but you're still a teenager Eren. Lighten up." I shove his shoulder gently.

"Why aren't you on speaking terms with Captain Levi anymore?" He blurts his words out all at once. My smile fades into a straight line and I click my tongue.

"I mean of course it's none of my business but he said you weren't coming with us, and he's seemed awfully temperamental lately." Eren scratches the back of neck and looks away. "I can't help but wonder if maybe your differences got the better of you. I really don't want you to leave us."

A big part of my staying in my room has been to avoid Levi. I didn't want to see the bruise on his cheek. I didn't want to have to apologize for my actions, because if I'm being completely honest I had no reason to. He was the one who took his anger out on me. I simply gave him a wake up call.