lockdown ↬ m.clifford

epilogue

marley walks over to thomas, who was working on today's shift.

"hey, marley. you here for your dad again?"

"hey, tom. no, i'm here for michael this time."

"that's good," he smiled. "i'm proud of you."

"thanks thomas, can you show me where his grave is?"

"of course, mar," he smiled, leading the way. his grave wasn't far, but the entire walk there was silent minus the branches being crushed on the ground.

"here it is," thomas says. "is anyone with you?"

"yeah, luke's out by the entrance."

"okay," thomas smiled. "if you start crying, i'll get luke, okay?"

"okay," marley smiled sincerely at thomas. "thank you." he sent her a smile and walked away, leaving her privately with just michael.

"hey, michael," she smiled softly at the stone. "i'm so sorry i haven't visited you since the funeral. i don't really have excuses, i just thought i'd break down again. i honestly think i'm going to break down again now, so i wrote you a letter. i'm gonna leave it here, because i believe in ghosts, and i believe you'll read it. i love you michael, i never stopped."

she scooted over so now she was on the left of the gravestone. she took out an envelope with the letter she wrote michael in it, and placed in front of his gravestone. she waited a couple more minutes before she got up.

"bye, michael. i love you."

she walked back to the entrance, gave thomas a weak wave, and hopped into luke's car.

"you sure you're alright?" he asks.

"i just miss him, luke," a small tear comes out of her eye.

"hey," he says, wiping away the tear. "i get that you miss him. i mean, after what he did to you, who wouldn't? but you have to move on. not forget him, but move on. it's for the best, and he would've wanted that."

"alright," marley smiled. "but it's not easy, so for now i'm trying."

they shared a smile and luke started to blast the arctic monkeys up high. they drove away, and up above, michael was watching. up above, he reads the letter marley leaves for him. it reads:

dear michael,

hey micheal. so, it's been about a year since you were shot, and it breaks me to think about how and why you did it. i should've died that day michael, not you. you didn't have to take a bullet for me. now that i think of it, did you do it on purpose to fulfill your bruno mars puns? oh shit, that was a cruel joke, wasn't it? i'm sorry. anyway, i wrote this letter to catch you up on my life. so let's get started, shall we?

okay, so after you died, i was a mess. a few of your fake friends, that's everyone but ashton and calum, blamed me for their death. your little sister, mariam, also sort of hates me. she thinks he died because of me which is what your bullshit friends are telling her. she's still young; she doesn't know. your mom doesn't allow me to come over because mariam throws tantrums when she sees me. i feel so bad for her. i'm sorry.

i didn't do my hair, i didn't care. i never put on makeup, i failed most of my tests, and ended up failing a subject in the third semester of the year. someone helped me get back up, i'll talk about him later. but back to what i was saying, i wasn't in a right place. my mother almost put me into a rehab clinic to 'clean my act' but my father persuaded her not to. if it wasn't for him, i'd look insane; in a mental fucking clinic.

out of all the emotions i had when you were dead, angry was the most frequent one. i was so angry at the world. angry at you for jumping in front of the bullet. angry at ryder for letting go the bullet. angry at the police for being so late. angry at that guy marcus for keeping the police away from killing ryder on the spot. and most of all, angry at myself for being the reason of your death. like that one song you wrote and preformed in the hidden talents club, you're the reason, the only reason.

i cut myself, michael. i was thinking about you, and i cried, and i cried, and i cried, and in the heat of the moment, i just sort of, did it. i regret all of it, i do. it's not your fault. it's all my fault. you know, i felt like dying and killing myself through most of this. but i thought about everything you told me that day when ryder was being a maniac. and i knew i had to stay strong for you.

speaking of ryder, he got arrested. it turns out he shot four students at our school, including you. his friend, marcus, was arrested with him for killing the two police men that were supposed to be on the way to help us. they're so fucking insane, it literally breaks me.

you know, i used to watch these things on tv. how a shooter would go into a school and kill children and teenagers. i thought it was sick. i couldn't imagine the pain the school went through. well now, i'm living it. and it gets me so emotional to think about how someone so insane and so wicked and so cruel could do that. it breaks my heart, michael.

now, onto the person who helped me through my dark times. his name is luke. don't worry, i haven't gotten over you so quickly. i love you, remember that, okay? okay. but he's a hemmings, and he's new to school. he sort of was forced to come to our school although he was afraid our school was filled with people like ryder. it was actually entertaining watching him be scared. he made me smile and laugh when i no one else could; just by being stupid.

oh, did i mention i lost my friends because they were too nervous and scared of me after that day? yeah, well. but back to luke, he was in my homeroom. so one day, i walk up to him and say, "you know, not everyone in this school is insane." and we just hit off. he's been my best friend, other than cal and ash of course, since then. he's been helping me a lot. he stayed with me the entire summer and we even went down to the beach together for two weeks. his dad owned a beach house, and he invited me and my family.

he admitted to me, not too long ago, that he loves me. it only reminded me of you, and i cried. he apologized. if we're being honest here, mike, i like him. but i don't love him. i don't feel like jumping into a relationship so soon, even though it's been a year. should i go into a relationship with him?

by the way, ashton and calum weren't pussies. they cried. they were sad. key word: were. they got over it faster than i did. and they've been helping me. when i say get over you, i don't mean forget you. we'll never forget you, michael. we all loved you, me in a different way. it meant a lot that they were there to help me. they also clicked on with luke pretty easily. i think you would've liked their friendship, it's adorable. well, to me.

this is a long ass letter, so i'm just going to wrap it up, okay? i missed you michael, i can't lie about that. but i want to get over you so bad. i want to not cry whenever i hear your name. i want to stop crying so damn much over you. i want to fall in love with someone else. but i'm having trouble with it. i know it's what you probably wanted: for me to move on with my life. if our places were switched, i'd want that for you.

i've concluded that i loved you. past tense. loved. you'll always have a place in my heart, but i can't be in love with a dead boy. especially when he's been a year dead. i need to move on. i'm going to move on. i'll never forget you, but i'll move on.

i love you, michael. i hope you still love me.

love,

marley.

michael smiled, setting down the letter in it's place, just as if it wasn't touched at all.

"i'm glad you're moving on, marley," michael speaks into the wind. "be with luke. he makes you happy. and you happy, makes me happy."

in the faint distance, when the arctic monkeys were still blasting high, marley swore she heard him.

comment funny and sweet things because i'm going to be doing something special with them :-) i wont make this long bc im posting two other things right after this.