Disguise♔ z.m

fifty one

   It didn’t feel much like September, neither did it feel like it was already the day of the wedding. After our little dance yesterday, we didn’t speak much, not like I had the courage and the strength to start up a conversation with someone who didn’t really feel much towards me.  I am used to it, this sort of disappointment, so I guess I am okay. It was awkward when we got back to the room, since we both didn’t know if we were on talking terms. The air was thick, the tension was thicker. Every time she stood up from the bed or couch, I’d feel my heart speed up, as though it was about to rip out of my chest and break the windows. I am definitely glad she is not currently in the room. Her sister says they all have to get ready together, which just saves my poor heart because I can only imagine how she is going to look like.

    “Zayn!” there is a loud knock on the door.

Pulling open the door, Yves asks me if I was done and I nod, not really in for talking. The whole way down to the lobby, he tells me about how wonderful the girls here are, and how he would never want to leave. I tried my best to listen, but all I kept on thinking about was Nora. I kept on thinking about how she was already in my veins, and how I couldn’t get her out. She messing with my mind, and I swear, I would do anything for her, only if she knew I loved her more than the flesh that bears me.

We meet Yves’s father and I wonder if they have reconciled, but that’s not something for me to take care of. I wondered why I interfered in the first place. Wasn’t my aim targeting Nora’s heart? She doesn’t even know how long it took me to look for a hidden secret both parents and families relations tried to keep low, as though that would have changed faith. They could have kept Yves as a secret for as long as they wished, but secrets never last. Everything about me is a secret—my identity, my emotions, my job. So will I last?

We were taken by a luxurious bus to the church to wait for the bride and her bridesmaids. Of course I took my seat on the third row, close enough to the see the altar.

“How are you and Nora?”

“We’re okay.” Rubbing my knuckle wasn’t going to stop Yves from asking prying questions I wasn’t willing to answer.

“Are you sure? Have you guys spoken?” I know he is trying to be helpful, but I just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. All I wanted to do was have a normal conversation with the woman I love and at least hold her hand because I respect her so. I can never forgive that asshole for what he has done. She was mine from the fucking second she came falling head first onto the ground with her suitcase tearing open, papers flying all around the clumsy woman with the most gorgeous look I’ve come to see in the almost three decades I’ve come to live.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and Nora’s brother understands I wasn’t in the best mood.

From: Ella

Zayn?

To: Ella

Have you done it?

From: Ella

Yes. The pictures are ready…

As I am about to reply, I suddenly stop breathing. All I see, in this crowd, is Nora standing with her hair curled to perfection, and body hugged by a sleek, black dress. My mouth feels watery; every single atom of my body is on the edge, as though I am on a race to win.

Nora’s pov

I suddenly forget how to walk when the doors to the church are pulled open. As the maid of honor, I am meant to walk first, which means I am first to publicly embarrass myself. When I make it through the short distance to the right side of the altar, I know I am safe. I have saved myself from falling, which only reminds me of the day I fell when I walked into Mr. Harvey’s building and met Veronica.

This is the least of my worries. Currently, I am getting looks from everyone seated right in front of me. Uncomfortable thoughts creep into my head, and no matter how many times I try to suppress those feelings, it just keeps inflicting me. This dress I wear becomes too itchy and I feel like rubbing off my entire make up with the back of my hand. My feet are killing me; I should have practiced walking in heels that day Veronica and I went shopping for the first time. I am sure I look terrible. I know, everything about today has to be about my sister and her happiness but I don’t know if I am able to pull through.

Zayn’s pov

She is all smiles once her sister turns to her groom and well, waits for everything to begin. Nora hasn’t noticed my presence, and I’m fine with that because I get to look at her as much as I want to without it seeming disturbing. Throughout the service, I kept on looking at Nora, and how she smiled and laughed and slightly cried, and not much changed once everything was over and we were on our way to the after party. The little things she does to me, were taking over, and I could feel my insides twist with fear when the music begins to play and the environment changes. Everything is calmer; even Nora’s mother is not being the insensitive bitch she usually is. Yves is preoccupied with the female guests, which gives me enough space to think things through. Nora presently stands by with some people she didn’t seem to know, laughing about things she couldn’t understand which was pretty obvious from the way she’d uneasily fold her hands and smile. I order a margarita for her, which I hope brings back some memories. A brief gaze at her from my shoulder, I see some bloke asking her if she would like to have this dance and being the usual person she is, she blushes and says no, that she didn’t know how to dance which was a lie, after all, she did dance that day in the bar, on the counters…  

I know she is not exactly happy with me, but fuck it. She is going to be mine no matter what. Approaching them, her gaze slightly shifts and we share a temporary stare. An emotion flashes by her face and I can’t figure out what I see. I don’t know if it’s surprise or bliss, but whatever. I kindly tell the man someone was looking for him, and being the idiot, he gratefully thanks me and tells Nora he would be back. Once he is far enough to hear shit, she begins.

“Now that wasn’t nice of you, was it?”

“Want a drink?” She smiles at my offer.

“Nice choice.” Taking it, she delightfully comments.

“Remembered it was your favourite,” we stand side by side as the servants make sure the buffet is complete.

Nora grins.

“I have something to tell you.”