Disguise♔ z.m

Thirty six

Watching Liam's lashes batter over his almond irises as a flurry of rain patters against the window, I slowly and deceitfully hoist my slender fingers to the portion above his heart, feeling the little thumps, almost imagining how the blood flows up his Aorta to the rest of his body. I almost imagine how the blood fills his veins and reaches his moist lips that keep me from falling apart every time I seek a bizarre remedy.

I build difficulty in everything that tries to aid me to become a better person. I am trying to take the driver's wheel, when I know I have no experience whatsoever. I am trying to pretend I can breathe underwater, when in reality, I am suffocating. I am trying so hard to be perfect, when perfection only comes as a lucky number to certain people. My mother is right, I guess; I am faulty; It was a massive mistake leaving them; it was stupid of me trying to believe I can be a different individual.

I am sick of myself. I am sick of getting upset every time something does not go my way; I am tired of writing little notes on those sticky pads when I know, I will never fulfill them; I hate the fact that I am torn in between wanting to be with Liam and wanting to be with Zayn. A big part of me says that Liam is what I want. He satisfies, emotionally and sexually. He gives me the excitement; without him, will be like the world without skies; without him, is like trying to run on a muddy field. Trying to keep up with my heart is stressful and like a car with no wheels, I still keep driving. I keep going even when all the road signs say it's wrong.

"Say something. Please," Liam pleads by rubbing my shoulder with his firm hand, which contained little fragility, but much feeling.

"Every time I do say something, we end up fighting . I am tired of fighting with you, Liam." I previously told him about the flight to Venice and all he did was directly decline and say he had plans for the next few weeks. He didn't even try softening his words, he said it straightforwardly, knowing I will take it the hard way.

"Listen-"

"I won't," I hastily get up from the bed and drag along my bed pillow. "I won't get rest if you keep telling me that nothing is wrong and we will be able to get over this little bump on the road," I mimic his tone and continue sauntering away. Nearly getting to the doorframe, he spins me to face him. He pushes me against the hard wood, placing his hand directly on the dip of my bones at the bottom of my spine.

"You drive me insane."

It'd take me hours to watch him say insane over and over again.

His breath warms my cold and needy skin. "What do you want, baby?"

"I want you to leave," I emphasize on the last word. He arches his brows.

"I don't like my girl disobeying me," he blissfully murmurs against my lips and I feel those words wander to places I have never known existed. "Would you want me to leave when I do this?" He pulls down my night shorts and undergarment and sneaks his icy fingers to my core, rubbing against my opening with a circular motion.

I impulsively wrap my hands around his back and use him as my support, rolling my head from side to side as I feel the electric jolts travel up my muscular walls, giving me the thrill and excitement. I was stubborn to speak and intoxicated with his fragrance to make a proper sentence.

His finger wanders in an Eight figure around my tight folds as I try holding up my pride and swallowing the moans I know will drive Liam insane and controllive.

"C'mon, baby." he uses one hand and wraps my ponytail around his hold, yanking my head back for my neck to expose enough skin for his pumping lips.

Christ, was he making me feel high and agitated. His thumb was rubbing against my clit, sending me off the cliff of want. With his skillful fingers, I could envision my deathbed.