Amnesia // Luke Hemmings

Chapter 17

(Trigger Warning: Please read with caution, this chapter contains self harm. If any of you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to send me a message, I love you all<3)

*Katrina's P.O.V.*

I'm not okay. Not okay at all. This new Luke has got me feeling some sort of way, not like horny or anything, but rather more energetic. Although, the way he's acting right now is really attractive to me. Is that bad? Maybe I like this new ego because I may or may have thought Luke would be vanilla in bed. Not saying I think about having sex with Luke...

"Wow." I breathe out after we quit our some what long make out session. Before anything gets too far, we both stop. When we pull away, we go back to our awkward, normal selves.

There's a moment of awkward silence until Luke starts bursting out in laughter, turning red as well. He's really, really white so you can't notice it a lot. On the other hand, I'm quite tan, but not like New Jersey tan. I don't look like a walking carrot.

"Why are you laughing?" I join him in laughter.

"Because," He pauses to laugh again "That guy earlier, was not me." He cracks up laughing. He's laughing so much now that he's literally rolling on the floor laughing as he clutches his stomach.

"Babe, stop." I say, attempting to lift him up from the floor. "You're going to pop a blood vessel if you don't stop Lucas." I scold him.

Suddenly, it becomes dead silent. "Lucas?" He asks me confused.

"Yeah? I called you Lucas? Is there something wrong with that? Should I have not done that? Do you have any bad memories with that nickname? Dear lord, I'm so sorry. It's a really bad nickname, come to think about it " I start rambling to myself. Wow, good job anxiety taking over my mouth and having me act and speak like a complete idiot.

"You used to call me Luke." (A/N I'M THINKING OF TFIOS AS I TYPE THIS OH MY GOD.)

*Luke's P.O.V.*

Another memory that I really love that she doesn't remember. She used to always call me Lucas, but not as much anymore. Well of course not as much anymore because it's not like she didn't get amnesia and lose all of her memories. But, it did.

She always called me that and I just would call her my princess. I know that may sound very cliché and typical, but I didn't really care. All I knew is that she would smile widely and start blushing when I did.

That reminds me something, I'm going to have to explain to her what happened. All the truth. But, will I be able to? I may not even be able to tell her. Maybe her parents don't and wouldn't like her to know. But she does deserve to have her memories, even though they may be a bit horrid.

To tell her or to not? But if I tell her, I have to tell her all of my problems. Everything's she's said to me. I don't want to do that either. It makes me feel as if I'm putting a burden on her by telling her this. Right now, she's mentally stable. But will she remain the same once she knows?

The more and more I think about it makes me not want to tell her anymore, even I know that it is highly selfish of myself. She deserves to know Luke, how hard is it. How will I tell her? I just need to find a way to let it all out. God, I just feel so damn stupid. I always feel like this. Maybe I'm relapsing? No no no. This can't happen.

I feel the walls closing in and my breathing is rapidly increasing, I need to get out of here. "I have to go." I say grabbing my things, walking out the house in a hurry. I need to get home before I start mentally and physically breaking down.

"Luke!" She runs outside screaming and panting "Wait! Come back!'

I check the rear mirror and I see her face of sadness. I feel like a complete dick right now, but I couldn't let her find out all of my problems like that. She shouldn't worry and me and she doesn't have to worry about me. I'm my own man, I can handle myself.

All of a sudden, I hear a loud honk and I snap out of my day dream. I look and I see I've been driving very recklessly and idiot like. I speed all the way home, not caring if I were to get caught. I need to get home. I arrive and I don't care anymore. I run all the way to my room and break into the bathroom. I slide open one of the cabinets and I lift up somethings that cover the thing I need.

Relief. I found what I needed the most, my razor. The feeling of the cold metal on my fingertips fires up the desire to cut myself even more. I need this. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. Wait, me sane? Jokes. I need to feel pain.

What happened to the promise?

What the fuck? Who said that? I look around the bathroom. Who the fuck said that? No one is in the bathroom other than me. The door's locked too! I can't handle it anymore, I'm so fucking crazy. I chuckle at myself as soon as I press down the razor to reopen scars. I love the pain, it's relieving all of my anxious thoughts.

You promised you wouldn't Luke.

That voice, it's-it's Katrina's. I forgot all about our promise. I feel so god damn bad now, another reason to cut. I'm a big idiot. I look down onto my arms, 10 new scars I count. I wipe all the blood up with toilet paper and I flush it away. I look down at my razor, should I flush it? No, I won't. I cover up the scars with bracelets, no one would ever suspect I did it.

I hear my phone begin to play my ring tone, Katrina's calling. I put on my fake voice and I say, "Hello?"

"Luke! Where are you? Are you okay? Have you been crying? Dear god, I've been worried sick." She basically yells through the phone.

"I'm fine." I snap at her, quickly regretting my tone of voice.

"Luke, please don't act like this. I'm coming over and you are explaining yourself." She says as she hangs up.

This is it, she's going to know now.

-
Happy Easter everyone! Hope you had a nice one! Hope you liked this chapter! By the way, if you don't mind, can you guys please share this story to your friends and others? I haven't really been updating because of my lack of motivation, and if more people were to read this, I'd have more motivation to write. Love you all so much!