Amnesia // Luke Hemmings

Chapter 18

(This chapter has some more talk of self harm so this is a trigger warning just in case.)

*Katrina's P.O.V.*

I had just gotten off the phone and I begin to wonder, what made him run off like that? I'm of course going to find out because something like this doesn't always happen. He seemed scared and confused? But, what about? I feel this need to help him, I don't know why. I just feel my heart ache the more I think about him.

Was he having an panic attack? I quickly pull out my phone from my pocket and search up "Panic Attack Symptoms" It leads me to a health websites. I scroll down and I begin to read the symptoms.

Shaking

Shortness of breath
As I scroll to read more and more of these symptoms, I begin to realize that Luke had a panic attack. Oh no, what may have caused him to have one? I don't know. I start to feel a loss of breath, but I quickly recover my breath. I need to calm a bit down before I have a panic attack. I should be going over to Luke's now, just like I said. I put my hand over the lock button on my phone, before I read a certain sentence.

People who have panic attacks tend to have depression.

Wait. This could mean Luke could be depressed. I mentally punch myself, how could I miss all of these little signs. I'm so stupid. I really begin to over think every little thing about Luke as I drive to his house.

What about him not wearing short sleeved shirts,  or when he always wear those bracelets that cover up most up his arms? I slam on the brakes as hard as I can. No, he can't. No, no, no. I begin to tear up a bit at the thought of Luke self harming. I quickly wipe away them, scolding myself for over thinking.

I start driving again after I hear some loud yelling and honking coming from angry drivers behind of me. I drive slowly and smoothly, not wanting anything to happen. I'm already overthinking, I don't want to get in a car accident. I shortly arrive to his house.

I step out of my car and I walk up to his door and lightly knock, hoping he hears and I don't have to knock any louder. The door begins to open and I pray that it's not his mother or father because, like I said before, I'm not skilled socially, so I'd probably make a fool of myself in front of his own parents.

To my relief, a tall boy with beautiful blue eyes opens the door.

"Luke?" I whisper with a smile.

"Hi." His voice cracks, his voice definitely sounds like he's in been crying. This is bad, really bad.

"Let's talk." I say as he nods and moves aside so I may walk inside his house. He leads me to his bedroom, and we both take a seat on top of his bed.

A minute goes by before anyone of us says anything, oh yeah, we're both awkward as fuck. I let out an awkward cough, showing that I feel the tension between us.

"I'm sorry." Luke says as he moves his gaze to the floor.

"About?" I ask him. I'm praying he didn't do anything, thoughts start jumping around in my head. Please god, don't tell me that he's done that.

"I-" Tears start forming at the corners of his eyes "I can't. I don't know."

"You don't know what?" I raise my voice, my heart rate is fastening second by second.

"I don't know anymore." He full on sobs now. I see him scratch at something underneath his bracelet. I turn my head and my heart breaks at what I see.

A cut.

Not a scar, a freshly open cut. "I, Luke." I say, having the broken heard through my tone. I embrace him in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry." Luke cries into my shoulder.

I pat him slowly on the back and I move him and I stare into his eyes and say, "Why?"

"I don't know." He sniffs "I just felt the need to. I'm so sorry."

"Please show me." I ask him. He begins to remove bracelets off of his arms. As each one is taken off, cuts that have yet to be healed are shown. My heart aches as I count them. There are 10 cuts, not counting scars. I look at him, sadness fills his eyes.

"I feel like I'm going to be a burden on you. You probably don't even care about any of this," He pulls his arm away and begins to put all his bracelets back on.

"No," I grab his arms and he flinches. I immediately retreat my arms and I take a deep breath "Luke, I know we've had some past or whatever, and I'm barely getting to know you again but don't you ever fucking say I don't or won't care because I fucking do and I fucking will. I don't know what's happened but all I know is that I feel the happiest around you. I wish I knew what's happened before but I don't. But that doesn't matter. I care about you. More than a lot. I don't know why you did this, but please don't ever do this again." My voice cracks, tears begin forming "I really hate to see you this way. I don't know why, but I just really care a lot. I'm begging you, don't ever do this again. Next time you wanna do this you better call me and I will fix this I swear."

Luke hardly says anything, he just simply kisses me. The troubles, pain, everything goes away for a bit. His soft lips on mine seem to calm me down, he cups my face and kisses me softly. We pull away after about a minute and he clears his throat and wipes away some of his tears.

"I'm going to get us something to wipe our eyes and blow our noses in." I get up to go to the bathroom. I look around the drawers and I happen to find something I wish I didn't.

The razor.

"You piece of shit." I mumble to myself as I pick it up. I put it in my pocket, I'm going to get rid of this once I'm out of his house. I'm going to make sure he never does this again. I grab a roll of toilet paper and I exit the bathroom. I hand him the roll, and he rips off a piece of the paper and wipes his eyes. He opens his mouth and says, "It's time for you to know the truth."