Achromatic

Chapter Twenty Two

Every day, when the light of day transitioned into darkness, Murdoc could notice more about the motel room during the early hours of night. It was around this time he was always more awake, more alert, and overall, more aware of his own surroundings. 

The first thing he brought his attention to after closing his window shade turning on the lights were the cracks in the ceiling. There were dozens, if not hundreds of them scattered above him in every direction, length, width, if they were curvy, straight, or fragmented. Some were interconnected while most were still taking form in the most unreachable corners. Murdoc would often lay on his bed, close his eyes and pinpoint the cracks from memory. 

It was an undying task that helped Murdoc pass the time, yet he could not stand the silence. Silence led to thinking, which led to contemplating, uncertainty and paranoia that seemed to swell in his mind and not go away once they appeared.

Tonight was one of those nights. Murdoc told himself, over and over again that he was fine. He was in the right place, away from his troubles and those who brought him down to the point of no return. Away from Russel, Noodle, his own band mates, who still had not made any attempt to contact or find him. He imagined they were much happier now that he was gone from their lives. Rachel, David, those conceited people who had no respect for him, or for anyone else.

He was alone, and he was fine.

"Don't be an arse," Murdoc said to the ceiling. "What else were you supposed to do?"

He sat himself up, rubbing at his tired eyes and fixing his focus at another unworldly area of the room. It was the wall corner next to the door, covered in a strange yellow mold that seemed to grow larger each day. Murdoc supposed it was water leakage, but he never bothered to call for maintenance.

The wall itself, however was a mustard color that seemed to blend itself with the mold. 

"Would you be happy here with me?"

The bedside clock read 3 A.M. The rest of the motel was asleep, except for one dimly lit room with one, no, two restless souls. 

As the night tolled on, they talked and whispered within their walls, isolated and safe from the world outside their 'Do Not Disturb' sign. They locked themselves in, seeing each other as their own worlds.

"Did you say somethin', Murdoc?"

Murdoc kept his focus on the wallpaper, sipping his fourth or fifth glass of bourbon. He glanced in the mirror in front of him, catching a glimpse of 2D brushing his teeth in he bathroom. 

There was a moment of silence, except for the sound of 2D's toothbrush. He gargled the last of his toothpaste and spit into the sink. 2D shut off the bathroom light, his reflection getting larger as he stepped towards Murdoc.

2D slipped his arms around Murdoc's waist, leaning his head on his back. Murdoc instantly relaxed with the sensation of his body warmth, softly humming as 2D planted his lips on the back of his neck.

"Talk to me."

"About what?" Murdoc asked. 

"About what you said."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Murdoc uttered at the wall. He pondered for a moment, resting his chin on his hand. "...Hold on, it was more like-"

"I said you'll ruin your breath if you drink the bourbon."

2D paused for a moment. He lifted his head to look into the mirror, looking at himself and Murdoc. There was a strange tension that passed between them, that made Murdoc's eyes dilate and palms grow warm with sweat. His face grew pale as 2D kept his attention solely on him.

"I wanna lie down," Murdoc said. 

"But-"

Murdoc peeled himself away from 2D, grabbing his arm and dragging themselves away from the mirror. "I'm tired. Come to bed with me."

Murdoc averted his focus from the wall and walked towards his unkempt bed. He lifted the covers, shifting in and making extra space next to him. His pupils darted around the room, flinching at every creak and whistle that echoed within the room.

"You don't seem tired," 2D said as he sat himself in the bed next to Murdoc. "Are you alright?"

"Yes. Turn that light off, will you?"

2D nodded hesitantly, reaching for the beside lamp and switching it down. The two of them leaned on each other in the room's darkness, listening to each other breathe. Murdoc's breathing, however, was more rapid and palpitated than 2D's. 

He flinched once more when he heard a single creak above the ceiling. 2D felt him jump slightly, then try to relax again. He knew there was something terribly wrong. 

2D took a deep breath before saying his name. "...M-Murdoc?"

"Yes?"

"Is this...about earlier?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know who I am. That's all there is to be said-Dammit, I never told him that. Or did I?"

Murdoc rested on his back, running his fingers atop the surface of his bed sheets. His heart continued to pound recklessly against his chest, making it more and more difficult to breathe. 

The noises. They were everywhere. Every creak, groan and bump jolted Murdoc's senses when he was starting to calm down, and made him more anxious than before. The cycle was relentless, and continued to repeat itself on Murdoc every minute.

"What did I tell him..."

Another creak. Murdoc gripped the sheets, forcing his chest down with his hand. 

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

"Shh...Just breathe, Murdoc. It's gonna be alright."

Another bump in the room next to them made Murdoc's stomach lurch. 2D sat up, looking down on the other man, slowly stroking his hair. 

"D...Don't leave," Murdoc rasped.

"I'm right here," 2D said. "I won't leave you." 

Murdoc gulped, reaching for 2D's hand. He took it, pressing 2D's fingers against his heart. 

"Just breathe, Murdoc."

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

He could hear everything, but dare not open his eyes. 

Murdoc's hand remained planted firmly against his beating heart, as if he was trying to force his chest to go down. He tried to see 2D's image, just as he could always remember it. He closed his eyes tight, then tighter, visualizing his hair, his smile, the way he spoke...

But he couldn't remember. He couldn't remember anything.