Winter (Jimin x Reader)

Cold

Jimin got in his car but his hands were too weak to even grip the steering wheel. "My love, my girl...is she still mine?" he thought, but couldn't help but feel a tug in his chest strong enough to make his eyes burst with tears. All this time he was proud to come home and watch her...you. It was such a beautiful feeling- the one he felt when you told him you were pregnant. There was no doubt in his heart, he wanted to spend the rest of his entire life with you, but this shattered him to crawl into his biggest fear of loosing you.

He sat in the car as the rain heavily poured outside, the streams of water reflecting from the car window to his face. He felt nothing but pain. His eyes furrowed and his fingers curled up into fists as he punched the steering wheel, releasing screams of anger. Why wasn't he ever good enough? Why, if he tried his hardest? Was he that easy to be put aside? He rest his forehead on the steering wheel as he stared down at his drenched clothes. He tried sniffling away tears but they would only come back stronger. A shaky sigh escaped his lips before he turned his car on and drove off only to be blocked by a bus letting passengers in.

"Fuck you," he sighed as he drove past it. Every little thing in his way angered him. He arrived home and stepped inside. His eyes were swollen and his cheeks were hot against the cold weather. He stood there a moment and thought about you the same way he did every day, but this time with a heavy heart and a different future in mind. His feet guided him through the empty house all the way to the bedroom where his newborn would grow up. The walls were white, still undecided for a color. The crib was there waiting for its occupant and Jimin stood in front of it, resting a hand on its white wooden frame as his wet hair dripped down, staining the newspaper aligned on the floor for the day this room would be painted a brighter color.

Yet he couldn't think clearly.

He turned around to face the dresser across from the crib and slid the drawer open. His cold hand reached over to the black box he had been hiding for weeks in preparation to ask you to be his forever and his yours. The little box rested on his hand as he stared at it wondering, "what now?"

Five minutes he spent standing in the same position, staring at the same unopened box with his past memories and his dreams of a bigger family collapsing into this promise he held in his hand.

You walked in and felt the cold breeze from the house hit your cheeks. Jimins out of work in 4 hours still. You sighed and began taking your shoes off. All you wanted to do was erase that shitty memory from earlier and just apologize to Jimin. You stepped into the living room but saw the bedroom door open, reflecting the windows rain. A strange feeling surrounded you but you walked towards it and saw Jimin standing there, staring at the box.

You felt your chest tighten in surprise. An engagement ring? But he didn't look happy. His hair and clothes were soaked and his eyes were puffy. He was home early. You were so confused but all you wanted to do was hug him. You just wanted to beg for him to forgive you and have him laugh and kiss you every second like he used to just a few days go. But his eyes showed something different. The light in them was dim and quiet.

"Jimin-" you said, nervously rubbing your knuckles with your thumb as you stepped closer very very slowly. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you in any way. I swear," you said, but his empty looking expression became teary eyes as he forced himself not to cry. "I don't even know- what to say so you'll believe-"

"Then don't try," Jimin said as he turned to look at you. It was obvious to you how hard he tried to keep a strong expression but he couldn't. You knew Jimin was always the type to be sensitive, but you didn't know he'd become this hurt over who made you food.

"It- none of that meant anything," you said. The way he looked at you made you think he hated you. His eyes just reflected so much you couldn't understand. His lips parted but he couldn't find the right way to express his feelings. His hand remained open as his mind finally figured out what his heart wanted to say, "It meant something to me. Us being in a relationship means something to me. I doesn't mean maybe I like him. It doesn't mean, I'll see how I feel about him, I don't know, I'm not sure, maybe I can check my feelings with someone else and see if I like them better. No...(y/n). It means you love the person you're with and you're committed to giving them you're all no matter what. Just like I did....if you didn't, you could've spoken up, not hid behind my back and play with me like I don't have feelings." His voice began to crack but he inhaled slowly, forcing himself not to feel- anything.

"I never did- anything wrong," you said, but that only set him off. His hand tightly clasped the box and he stepped closer to you, "stop lying! Why can't you be honest! I saw you. And what a fool I was to go and try to apologize to you when it was you all along. Why?! When you had me. I tried to give you everything I could. And yet you still wanted more. You can't choose who you fall in love with, and that fucked me up to realize. You, carrying our son. You couldn't even think decently for our son. Maybe that's why men never stick around. Because when you do have everything, it's easy to throw it all away but when you don't, you blame it all on who didn't stay. I love you, but I won't just pretend nothing happened. First a kiss and him trying to fucking own our baby? Then what? You fuck him and then say oh that was a mistake too and now I realized it. It reeeallly didn't mean anything. Bullshit," he said as he shoved the ring at you, "we'll make arrangements for the baby. Don't worry, you can also keep the place," he said before walking out of the bedroom, grabbing his coat, and slamming the door behind him as he walked out into the rain again.

You stood in shock. So many thoughts flooded your mind. He was going to propose?..but- he wasn't angry about the food..he saw you at the restaurant. But does that mean he didn't see he whole thing? he just broke up with you..and your baby will no longer live with a happy family like you dreamed. Wait..this was all a misunderstanding. This is bullshit. You ran outside as fast as your weakened body could take you. You were in such disbelief of what happened. None of this was the truth.

Jimin had just turned on the car. You could see how he let go of it all. His expression broke your heart so damn much. It wasn't your fault and it wasn't his, but just seeing him like that made you feel at fault. Seeing him that way made you instantly start crying. You just couldn't bear see him that way. You ran to his car and tapped on the window, begging for him to stop, "Jimin wait!! Please listen to me. He kissed me. I- shoved him after," you said, supplicating for his attention. But that only made his pain grow. Of course he wanted to listen. Of course he wanted to get past this and go back to you, but his mind also pleaded for him not to give in. He looked at you and shook his head no. He just couldn't allow himself as much as he wanted to. You cried loudly as you begged for him to wait and just listen. Your voice was broken and uncontrollable at how he looked at you before he drove off.

Your heart felt only devastation. Nothing more. Jimin was the only person- the only one you had left that cared about you and he left. You went inside and immediately called him, but his phone was off. It feels like everything is against you.

You went to the medicine cabinet in the moment of solitude and heartbreak. You grabbed the strongest pills you had and emptied them into your hand. 18 pills you were ready to take. You stared at them as your tears ran down and your voice cried loudly. It sounds like it might be something drastic to do, but none of it matters when you have no one to live for. No one?

Your baby.

They're here. They depend on you. Please let them live.

You looked down at your tummy and felt love. There was someone you loved even through he worst of times. You dropped the pills and placed your hands on your growing belly. "I'm sorry-"