Winter (Jimin x Reader)

Cocoa

Jimin arrived home the same time would after work. You were taking a nap with the baby in the bedroom so he quietly entered and watched you sleeping. He kissed your temple sweetly before walking around and stood at the edge of the bed with his chest resting on the bed and his hands laced with each other under his chin like a child. He admired Hanae's rosy cheeks and plump lips and a smile came across his face, "you make everything so much better," he whispered to her as he cuddled his face closer to her and found any little thing to fix for her like a wrinkle on her onesie or her slightly tilted beanie. He stayed there a long time, hating how his thoughts overtook him. This wasn't fair for you or the baby...and he blamed it all on himself.

His eyes were glued to you now as he pressed his lips together and then he rested his forehead on the bed as he began patting the top of his head with the palm of his laced hands, hoping to convince himself it'd all work out without consequences that would hurt you and his daughter. He let out a sigh as he looked up once again at the baby this time and noticed something wasn't right.

"Hey.........(y/n)....(Y/N)," he called a little more frantically every second.

You slowly woke up but immediately caught on to his urgency. "What..what what is it?" you said as you looked at the baby that Jimin kept frantically looking for something in. "She's not breathing! She's- no no no no. How- I don't know how to do CPR on a newborn. They're too fragile for adult CPR," he panicked. You did too. You looked at the baby who was loosing color quickly.

Your felt like nothing mattered but the safety of your baby. The first night back and you were already afraid to loose her. "Please don't take her away from me," you thought, pleading to the universe to allow you this blessing you held in your tummy for 9 months. You frantically dialed emergency services with tears rushing down your eyes like waterfalls.

"Emergency services how can I assist you?"

"I-I- my- my- my newborn daughter isn't breathing! I don't know what to do!" you said in tears.

"Okay ma'am listen to my instruction," she began.

You ran back into the bedroom and saw Jimin carefully giving her rescue breaths until she began breathing- strangely- but she was breathing. Jimin turned her onto her side ever so gently.

"H- he- my boyfriend is doing it! Shes breathing! But please send an ambulance!"

"No! Don't call for an ambulance we'll take her!" Jimin refused.

"JIMIN WE NEED AN AMBULANCE!" you almost screamed in disbelief of his refusal. He ignored you and picked up the baby and began running out as he covered her with a blanket to protect her warmth.

"JIMIN!!! THE PARAMEDICS WILL KNOW HOW TO HELP HER WE WONT MAKE IT!" You screamed this time but he quickly strapped her in. You knew he wouldn't listen so you informed the operator and got into the backseat with the baby when he got into the drivers seat. He drove quickly but careful enough.

You were incredibly angry beyond you'd ever been. You were in disbelief of the way he handled this on his own, risking the babies life. Yet he paid no attention to you. Every time the light turned red Jimin looked more stressed, patting the sterling wheel and loosing tons of sanity to hear his daughter struggling to breathe. "Fuck fuck fuck cmon... Hanae- my baby girl.." he said in whispers to himself before he started crying and wiping his tears roughly to be able to see where he was driving but the feeling was just too strong.

It pissed you off but it broke your heart to see him cry. You knew he cared about her, but this time he took the wrong approach. "Pay attention to the road stop crying," you said roughly. You knew you probably crossed the line to say it like that. You never brought him down so much. Jimin didn't say anything but instead bit his lip to force himself to stop but you could see the tears flow without control. "Please," he cried to you, pleading for you not to start yelling at him now. "I-" he began. Hanae began breathing heavier and more raggedly, sending you both to panic as you gently caressed her.

"No no. Hanae we're almost there baby. What do I do?! Don't die- cmon we've gone through a lot. You're strong," you cried frantically and Jimin only began crying harder to hear you drown into desperateness. You finally arrived at the hospital and he frantically got out as a nurse took the baby inside. You both followed but the nurses stopped you when you arrived to the emergency area.

You both stood there, tears streaming down both yours and his eyes, praying and hoping that your baby girl would live through this. She was your biggest blessing—the most important fight you've battled through. It wasn't fair for her to be torn away from you so easily. Jimin walked away, seeking a place where he could vent out on his own—a place without judgement, but you followed angrily. He got to an empty waiting room before you harshly pulled his shirt back and made him face you.

"Jimin you fucking- IDIOT!" you said, shoving him and beginning to pound on his chest, but he allowed you to, biting his lip as he tried not crying more at how you treated him so rejectingly. "Why would you want to waste time in driving her here when we could've gotten an ambulance with paramedics that could've saved her life," you said with a trembling voice as you spoke loudly to him but you didn't care. He risked it and that was enough for you to be incredibly angry him.

He only watched you, listening to you and feeling your words resonate into his heart. His bottom lip trembled between his teeth as he breathed raggedly. "I panicked.. I wanted to have her here as fast as we could," he said, but that excuse was stupid to you.

"What if she would've died Jimin? What if we didn't make it all because you fucking thought we'd make it. You risked her life. You risked it! We could've waited for the ambulance and she would've been taken care of quicker than your stupid ass judgement to want to drive here. I don't know what you're thinking! You've been out of it for who knows how long and then you pull this dumb shit! I-..........If she dies—" you said, your frantic voice becoming heavy and damaging for any father to hear.

He read your lips, how they finished their sentence and his entire existence felt like it crumbled to nothing. You did it..you broke him beyond his belief of ever being hurt before. Your words were cruel and he accepted them. He listened and you just turned around to leave like he was nothing to you. But he allowed you to leave because he knew he had hurt you enough. He felt like he deserved to be told that.

"—it's going to be your fault Jimin....your goddamn fault. I. Hate. You."

You stared at him, unable to breathe properly as your body shook in shock of what had just happened. You stared at him and saw how you completely broke him down. His expression became one indescribable for words. It was devastation, heartbreak, torture, fault to himself if what you said were to happen. He'd never forgive himself and he didn't have to tell you so you'd know. You saw how deeply you damaged him as his tearful expression became a sudden switch to staring at you in disbelief that these were your true feelings.

You walked away from him, not caring any less about what he felt. All you cared about was Hanae.

Jimin stood watching your figure blur into only drops of color as the tears stained the hospital floor. He took a few steps and sat on a seat in the empty waiting room. He placed his hands on his head and let all his feelings drain out into rivers of tears. All that was heard were his whimpers and quiet cries and he blamed himself for everything that's happened until now. His whole life he was blamed for anything, but nothing had hurt him the most as the words you engraved deep into his mind.

"I'm sorry Hanae. I'm sorry my little girl.." Jimin repeated in whispers, praying and crying inconsolably for anyone to hear him. "I would give my life for you. I just want you to always live happily," he said, praying also for her forgiveness. He swayed back and forth, shakey breaths released and inhaled repeatedly in a frantic and desperate need to know she was okay but he only broke down and felt his chest compress painfully as he heard your voice remind him of his guilt in this situation.

It's going to be your fault Jimin...I.Hate.You..