I've decided to, instead of calling myself a "hot mess", to call myself a "flaming catastrophe", because, ya know, it just sounds better. More divine. Less like a hot mess. More like a beautiful heathen. But then again, sometimes I wonder about all of the self deprecating things that I hear people say about themselves or that I say about myself. And I wonder why we say them. It can't be an excuse for our flaws, because we say it proudly and somehow, very self aware. Is it a way to relate to the people around us? Maybe, but that doesn't mean it actually does that. The best conclusion I can come to is that it gives us reassurance within ourselves. Now, that may sound a little backwards, so allow me to explain myself. There's the theory that if we are aware of our hindrances then we have all of the power to amend them, and I think that concept may apply here, oddly enough. Even if we know we have bad habits or issues that run a little deeper, turning them into a joke, even as an oblong method of suppressing them, promotes self awareness and hints at the ability and courage to change, if you want to. But as more time passes through my years in high school, I see and hear people put themselves down, and allow themselves to feel like they are less then what they are worth, and that is terrifying. It's terrifying because our insecurities don't do us justice.
So I've made it a habit to tell people they are beautiful, not in a pitiful way, but in an appreciative way. Because beauty, to me, isn't just physical, in fact, I don't look at the physicality of the word at all. Because compliments on physical appearance are depressing to me. While, yes, they can be very uplifting and genuine. It always seems like kind of a gene lottery situation... we can't choose the way we look. But if you compliment somebody in their sense of style or their music taste or their humor or their passions, or anything that sets the aside as an individual, it hits home. I'll never stop complimenting people. They blush and they get tongue tied. They smile the kind of smile that makes them squint. They laugh out of gratitude and embarrassment. And they deserve to feel that little impulsive race of their heart that can brighten their spirit. But it kills me when people have a genuine trouble accepting a compliment. Whether it be because they are so unused to it, or they unfortunately disagree, or because they've been ridiculed for the quality that is now being praised. It kills me to see their diminished sense of self. But even as I talk about the self esteem boost that an unfeigned compliment can induce, I digress. Don't let compliments or spurs of admiration pose as validation. You don't need to be validated by anyone, even if our whole lives, we've been brought up to be validated by how many friends we have or test scores or being prom king or having a boyfriend. When we get older and see what we've molded our live to be, the only person who it affects will be ourselves, therefore the only person who can validate our decisions are ourselves. It's one big, vicious cycle, but we can learn to control it, we just have to dig a little deeper.
Be Appreciative,
Your Gracious Author
