My Thoughts And Other Randomness

9/3/17

Damnit.. Why'd you have to go..? I never got the chance to say goodbye. I WAS AT SCHOOL. You were my reading buddy. My talking buddy. We would share books. My car ride buddy when I went with you and Nana to the doctor. Yes,you yelled for me sometimes while I was asleep,and it annoyed me.. But I miss it. I miss you,a lot. I still wake up some times,and expect you in your room.. But then I reach the door and remember it's Doug's room now. I remember it all. And it hurts so fucking much. Nothing is the same. We go through the same conversation about you at least once a month.. We laugh at the memories we have. The things you've said,you've done.. Your wish didn't come true.. And when dad told me what your wish was,I almost cried. Hell.. I still want to cry. Your wish was to spend another year with us.. It was cut way short. My imagination haunts me by making me hear you calling mom. Calling dad. Even myself and nana. I think I hear you call our names. I never wanted you to go. I never even told you I'm bi.. I'm sorry.. I miss your stories. I miss everything. If I could've taken your place,damnit I would've.. I love you.. More then you could have known. I miss you so much it's unreal.. I love you,woman.
That was just kinda.. My sadness and heart talking. This next part,is about things I learned tonight.
How messed up is it to miss people you've never met? Well,it sucks. I never met my grandma Lynne. Well,I have. But I was a baby. I asked my mother where my middle name came from. For those of you that don't know what it is,it's Daniele. My grandmother Lynne asked my mother if she ever had a little girl,to name her Daniele. Straight out the Bible. I also learned,that my grandmother Lynne died.. On my second birthday. When the day before,on Christmas Day,two of my cousins were killed in a house fire. Two funerals,in one day my mother told me. I wish I remembered you. I wish you were still here. I wish I knew you. I wish you could've seen me grow up more then you did. You never met Andrew. The reason why,is that Christmas night it snowed. The roads were slick. So mom and.. Mark didn't go to the hospital. The next morning,apparently at 7:45 AM,mom and Mark found out you died that morning. My birthday. You died.. Also I learned where Andrew got his name from. "Andrew Clayton." Mom had a dream she was calling a little boy by the name of,"Andrew Clayton," thus when my brother came along mom named him that of her dream. Sooo yeah.