Undercover

11. I'm Here Now

My hand would involuntarily go to the ring around my neck. I think the fact that I had gone into such a horrible state was another reason that Ingrid justified her practice of serial hurting the people that she was in a relationship with. I literally found no point to that method. But I guess that only she could figure out if something was wrong or right.

"Hey Nat. I was wondering if I could use that one black and white dress that you wore that day?" Ingrid came to me.

"Sure. You can basically take it whenever you want."

"Alright. Thanks. You're the best."

"Sure."

A few minutes later, Ingrid came back with the dress and went to the closet.

"It doesn't fit me."

I just nodded. "Alright. Thanks."

She sat down next to me on the bed. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Natalia...come on. Talk to me."

"I am talking to you. I haven't been avoiding you, Ingrid."

"You always get like this on his birthday, Nat. Don't think I don't know."

"Ingrid, you shouldn't do this. I don't want a repeat of every year. I always get the awkward attempt to gush out everything that I'm feeling around this time, about that...but trust me, I'm fine. There's nothing to see here."

"You know, you're a little unfair to both of us."

"I'm not unfair to either of you. And you have real nerve telling me that I'm being unfair. Says the one who plays with everyone's hearts."

"I like him, Nat."

"Sure. That's what you tell yourself now, but then he's the one who ends up with the broken heart. So please don't act like you actually care about him. You should just stop going and finding guys that you can lure into your trap. Stay alone if all you want to do is hurt people."

Instead of saying anything else, she walked out of the room. I tried to be as truthful as I could be without completely being rude, but I knew I had failed.  I don't know what the hell was actually wrong with me. It felt like I purposely built a wall around me especially with Ingrid and I couldn't control it. 

I lied down on my bed and hugged the teddy bear that he had given me once for my birthday. It was the cutest little thing. I didn't have the heart to throw it away. And it was something that would help me sleep at night. It's funny how much someone can affect your life if you let them.

I heard a knock on the door. I swear if it was Ingrid, I was going to throw something at her face. "Go away."

At that moment, the door opened. Typical sibling mode. "Go away, Ingrid. I already told you I don't want to talk to you."

"I would go away but I don't think you've got the right gender." It was Cayden.

"Cayden, I just want to be alone. I swear, if you're coming to check up on me because it's around this time of the year, I am going to throw a pillow at you."

He sat next to me and I immediately sat up. He took this as the cue to basically take me into his arms, like he would do when I was younger and I had had the most horrible nightmare with my parents involved.

"You have to stop treating your sister like she's a stranger in this house."

"I just don't want to talk to her, Cayden."

"Look, I know that this is hard for you. We just want to be here for you. Sometimes talking about what you're feeling is the only way to let it all go. Every time we try and ask you something about feelings, you shut us out. We want to help you, but you need to let us help you, Nat. We can't help you if you don't tell us what's wrong. We can't read your mind."