Undercover

36. Recurring Nightmares

Sweat dripped down my forehead. Sitting up and looking around brought no comfort to me. All that met me was darkness and I would see things that were not there. It was happening every night, but I didn't have the guts to tell anyone. I thought that this was my problem and my problem alone. I didn't want anyone else to worry about me. Everyone had enough problems to deal with in their life. These were just nightmares that would eventually stop coming. Until then, I would just keep it hidden from everyone that I knew.

This one had been bad. Really, all of them were bad. They weren't called nightmares for nothing. But it was always the same one. I was back in that place with Daniels. And no matter what I did, there was no help coming my way. I fought and I fought but it didn't bring any help. In this one, I was pregnant with my first child. He waited until I gave birth and before he killed me, Cayden, Ingrid, and Aiden all showed up. He shot them all, execution style. And then he turned the gun on the baby that had just been born. All I remember was her lifeless body falling to the floor, hitting the floor with a thud and the small amount of blood in her body pooling around her.

He had taken everyone that I had cared for, including my own child, the one thing that I vowed I would live for. He wasn't done with me though. As if killing them wasn't enough torture, he sent punches and hits my way. It surprised me that he had stopped, but it all made sense when my parents suddenly appeared tied to a chair. He made me walk into the room they were in and then he started hitting me again. My parents screamed and begged for him to stop, but he kept going at it. they were defenseless to stop him. He had wanted to show them that they were not strong enough to protect their little girl from all that harm. And then when he had almost killed me, he turned to them and shot them, execution style once again. When it came to me, he switched to the knife and started stabbing me. I could feel the life pouring out of me and I saw the blood around my body too. Every stab hurt more than the last. All I could focus on was the look in his eyes. The one where it seemed like he had lived his life for this moment. And then I woke up.

Looking around at the clock on the nightstand, it was three in the morning. I usually wouldn't be able to go back to sleep but that was something that I had to risk. I didn't like being tired in the morning. And especially if I was going to meet up with Aiden. Like I said, he had always been so good at figuring out that there was something off. He'd look at me once and then know that something wasn't right. He could see right through me and I didn't want to come face-to-face with that. I needed the sleep. But convincing myself to actually try was going to need a little bit more than coaxing.

I tossed the blanket to the side. I knew there was no way I would go back to sleep without any aid. So I went downstairs. As far as I knew, there was no one in the living room. Each of us had our own room and so it would make sense that there was no one here. But just in case, I turned on only the light that was close to the wall. It didn't really work to give you full vision, but it worked if you just wanted to get some milk on a late night. And that's what I did. I poured a glass of milk and then shoved it in the microwave. Hopefully, it wouldn't wake anyone up. My parents always told me that the way to fall asleep when you couldn't or when you were too scared to, was to drink some warm milk. I don't know about you, but if my parents tell me something, I make sure to write it down. It usually works. Maybe that's why it worked for me. Because that was the only thing I had left from them. All the advice was something I would never get to hear from their mouths anymore. It wasn't like I could go to the cemetery and expect them to be there. it didn't work that way even though most of the time I wished it did.

After drinking the milk, I washed the glass and went back upstairs and I think I fell asleep almost instantly, which didn't usually happen. It would take at least thirty minutes for me to fall asleep again.

The next time I woke up, the sun was  shining up in the sky. It was a good thing that I had gone downstairs to drink some warm milk. It really never failed. Maybe it was because I believed in it too hardcore. There's always this thing about the placebo effect. That it works because you believe it will work, not because there's actually something that's working inside of you. Whatever the reason, I didn't mind.