Undercover

16. Reflections

Do you all prefer the A/N in the beginning or the end? If it's in the beginning, you won't have to read until the end. Does anyone have a preference? I'm sorry y'all. This story is so cringey. I realize this now. And I don't know if I should just give it up. What do y'all think? It's already finished, but I need some kind of feedback. I'm posting it all, and then you tell me if I should take it down or not. Either way, it was meant to be a personal thing. I just thought I would try to put it on here for fun. 

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I was sitting in the park a week later. I didn't know if feeling numb was something that was normal, but that's how I felt. You know when it's so cold outside that your limbs just kind of lose all feeling? Now imagine that except with your whole body. That was me.

There were so many things that I wished I could forget. But I didn't know how to make them go away. No matter how much I tried to get him out of my mind along with the memories he left me with, he would stay. And I know that part of the reason that I was hurting so much was because of my own decision. I knew that I could literally get up and drive myself over to the police station and jump up into his arms and then everything would be closer to fine. But I wasn't about to let that happen. I knew that I would probably regret this, but I didn't want anything to do with him. And so far, it had worked.

Ingrid and Cayden told me that he had stopped by a few times when I wasn't there. I think that they didn't suspect a thing, since I had been coming to the park a lot more since I realized the truth. But I had gotten Finn's number and he would tell me whenever Nath—Aiden told him that he was going to come to the house. He had seven years to come and talk to me. Instead, he starts trying when I've already decided to forget about him.

I stayed there, without really moving. And before I even knew what hit me, the tears started rolling down my face. I fiercely swiped at them, but they kept coming and there was nothing I could do. I first lay down on the grass and then looked at the sky and focused on one of the clouds. I just wanted the tears to stop rolling down my face. I didn't understand why the hell it kept happening to me. It frustrated me to no end.

I just wanted to sit there and be able to not cry. I get that I was still a little surprised about the whole thing but this needed to stop. I guess it was a lot better than the first time though. At least now, I'm actually going places and doing things. I'm actually carrying on with the usual routine that I had. It wasn't like I was stopping everything that I normally would.

I heard my phone chime. I grabbed it from where it was resting beside me. It was Ingrid. You just missed him again. You should hurry back. It looks like it's going to rain.

I didn't really bother to answer back. All I wanted to do was to forget that I existed. They always said that time would heal the wounds that you've accumulated. At a certain point, all there would be left was a scar. But that hadn't really happened to me. The wounds that I had gotten seven years ago were still there, but this time, it felt like they had reopened even deeper than they were before. Whatever had healed, had reopened and blood was gushing out of those wounds. And the manifestation of that were the tears coming down my face.

I closed my eyes and I tried to not think about anything. So much for being numb, right? I felt a drop and I was sure that it wasn't a tear drop, because the last time I checked, there wasn't an eyeball that was hanging above my head. When I opened my eyes, the sky had gotten considerably darker and the clouds were dark, signaling that they were about to release its contents. I didn't mind getting a little wet. After all, I hadn't been sick in a really long time. If I got sick, then there wouldn't be any mentions about Aiden and they would solely focus on me. And since both Ingrid and Cayden seemed to like him, they wouldn't want him to get sick either so this was a win-win situation. All I had to do was stay here. It was a good thing I had brought a bag for my phone. It was just in case it did rain and I got stranded in a weird place that was surrounded by puddles on all sides where I accidentally dropped my phone and then bam. No more phone. I was completely losing my mind.