Undercover

12. Maybe It's Fate

It had been a while since I had last seen Finn. And it didn't really surprise me since I don't think I had seen him anywhere near me. Nathan's old house had been empty since he had left. And I'm not sure what had inspired him and his parents to buy that house in the first place. Maybe they had rented it and weren't planning to stay there for long in the first place. But there was no sign in front of it saying that they were renting it. I didn't quite understand how everything came to be. There were some parts that I still didn't quite understand.

I walked out of the house and went straight next door, as if it had been a normal day and I just wanted to go hang out with him. There was nothing there. Once someone left the house, they didn't even bother to lock it up. I didn't understand why they didn't do what realtors usually did when people moved out. But at this moment, I think I was grateful for it.

I hadn't been in the house since that day. So it hadn't been exactly four years yet. I didn't think this was going to be a good idea. I already knew there was nothing in there, and I knew it wouldn't just magically appear. If I had just looked outside that day, maybe I would have noticed that they were gone. I would have noticed that the car hadn't been there. But I didn't do that and I only realized this after the fact.

I walked in and I swear I could still smell the scent of his cologne. I think I had gone crazy. I walked around and there was a little dust on the surfaces that had been there. After all, it had been four years since the house was abandoned. I walked through each room, hoping to find some clue. But there was nothing and there wasn't something I had missed. I saved Nathan's room for last though, because I had to build up the courage even after all these years. There had been so many memories here. And it all went away in a day.

He had kissed me and told me that he was sure that he wanted to marry me, yet the next day, he was gone. He hadn't even said goodbye and that was still something that would keep me up at night. I didn't think that he was the type of person that would lie to someone like that. He had never lied to me before. Like I said, I had seen it in his eyes. He would have asked for the engagement ring. He wouldn't have just left without his great-grandmother's ring. Nathan cherished his family way too much. There was a picture of his biological parents in his wallet along with his adoptive parents. He had every picture of every family member that he could get his hands on. If it was something I knew about him, it was that he loved his family.

I stood outside of his door for the longest time. I debated whether I should be doing this in the first place. I knew that there was nothing there to remind me of him and yet, I was too terrified to go in there. This place always had an effect on me, yet I refused to stop coming here every once in a while. I was doing this to myself. Seeing Finn yesterday, had reminded me of Nathan. And I didn't know if I was sad or happy about that fact.

I took a deep breath and I pushed open the door. I had been in there many times. I had seen this place when it had been used, when there was furniture along the walls and in the middle of the room. This was where we would spend some of our time, because even if he didn't admit it, he was a good painter. I would watch him paint and it would fill me with such joy. Everything he made was beautiful regardless of what it was that he was painting. He would sit there for hours and he wouldn't get up until he finished. There were times that I had fallen asleep while he was painting. And he would always wake me up with a kiss. Stupid Nathan. I loved him so much back then. And I was afraid I still loved him that much now.

The door opened all the way and just as I'd expected, emptiness met my eyes. But instead of turning back, I went inside. I walked around the room, touching the walls, hoping that maybe they would tell me what happened to him. I hoped that he was still alive and that he was doing well. I wished there was a way to get rid of this uncertainty. This place held no answers though, just memories I refused to let go.