Love Isn't The Way.

Chapter 15

'What happened ?' We were both lying in my bed facing each other after we ordered dinner and decided to just go to bed,exhausted by all the things that happened today,I still couldn't get my head around the fact that Alec actually shed tears on some piano,I am sure it had to do something with his past or something,he was so vulnerable  but I wasn't sure I tried to not pry on it all evening which only made us sit in silence and him trying to cuddle me around whenever possible.Every time he makes these sweet gestures I have those horrid images of him hurting me few years ago, how I am supposed to react to those touches, half of me wants to slap him and tell him to go away and the other halfs screams at me to keep him forever. I really need therapy,if life is going to be like this with him then I am sure I'll never get bored.

'Nothing'he took my hand and kissed. 

'No,it's not nothing,something happened today,I don't know if you remembered something or whatever but you have to trust me enough to tell me this' 

'Why do you want to know, what's done is done'

'How do you expect us to maintain a relationship when you're not even honest with me, please tell me, I really want to know Alec' 

'Why don't you understand,I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU ANYTHING, it's better if you forget it' he held my hands in an iron grip and pulled me towards him.

'Alec,you're hurting me' This is what I was afraid of, no matter what changes are there in his life,he won't change.

'Well,then stop asking me question I don't want to give an answer to' he said angrily.

'You know why I could never forgive you, this is the reason,you expect to me to give you everything but not even share a part of yourself with me, it doesn't matter if you have left the Mafia,the darkness is still inside of you, Alec. I am trying everyday to cope up with it but I can't if you just become an Island. You have to open up,at least a little,you have to trust me' 

'No' he held my hands rolled me over and in instant my back was pinned to his chest and we were cuddling, I tried to get out of his iron grip but he's just too strong, I can't fight it and am half tempted to call for James through my panic button which I placed behind the headrest of the bed in case of emergencies. 

'If you're thinking of pressing the button and calling James then don't, he is the one who will get hurt in the end.' HOW DID HE KNOW? THE BASTARD.

'Let me go, I don't want to be so close to you, let go of me' I tried to use my voice while it's still there.

'Never', he whispered against my neck which made a shiver ran down my spine. Slowly he started kissing my neck and collarbone, it was such a sweet gesture that I almost forgot all my worries.Almost.

'I know what you're trying to do,don't' I whisper while he tortures me.

'And what is that?' he whispers in my ear.oh god, I want him to stop, No I want him to continue , oh what the hell?

After a moment I relax and body and he looses his tight hold on me and I quickly get out of his hold and plant myself at the far end of the bed.

'Touch me again and I'll never sleep on the same bed with you' I threatened. 

'Oh,please don't be so dramatic, there's nothing I haven't seen before' he teased, Is this the same man who cried this evening,nearly shouted at me and is now teasing me.I don't think so.

'Look,you don't want to tell me, fine ,I won't ask again but I have a very important meeting tomorrow with whom I had to cancel a meeting tomorrow because of you I can't go tomorrow and make a fool of myself again, so good night' 

I turned my back against him and tried to sleep, I know I could've easily gone in one of the extra rooms and slept there but I like not having nightmares which is only possible if I sleep next to the Asshole of the century.I feel him beside me, but not quite touching me, thank heavens.

'You really want to know ?' he asked softly.

'Yes' 

'Fine,I'll tell you but not tonight and on one condition' I can feel him smirk beside me.

'Uhhh, what do you want?' 

'I'll tell you tomorrow seeming as you have an important meeting, good night' 

I tried to think of a comeback but was too tried to do so I simply snorted and went into a deep sleep.

That night I dreamt, not a nightmare but a dream. I was in a big room which was decorated with flowers and ribbons and Sarah and Joy were in red and blue dresses laughing and smiling at me like this is the happiest day of our lives and I was in a beautiful white lacy dress which hugged my curves in all the right places.Suddenly the view changes and I am standing at the end of an Aisle right across from  Alec in a sharp Tuxedo which makes him look super sexy and totally worth drooling over. I woke up in the middle of the night with me in Alec's arms and confused feeling.What was that ?Why would I dream of marrying of him? This is so absurd, I can't think anymore so I only do what I can at the moment, I gently kiss Alec on his cheeks and go back to sleep.