Love Isn't The Way.

Chapter 19

I check myself in the mirror before heading out of the bathroom and notice with great adoration that Alec is still sleeping. He looked nothing like the beast he was or maybe still is when he is sleeping. He looks so vulnerable like this. Last night was torture for me, I didn't even get an ounce of sleep. Any minute I would close my eyes, my mind felt as if it would explode. Alec had taken sleeping pills and painkillers so he slept soundly. But, it gave me time to think about my life right now. I keep asking myself if I can , If we can actually create a life together because in my mind, we're two pieces of puzzle that don't fit right in, am I making the right decision by letting him invade my life like this, what happened between us  can neither be forgotten nor forgiven. Plus on top of that there is Jared Holster and my reaction towards him. Unlike Alec, he didn't make me confused of what I want, what I felt for Alec was so complicated that even the biggest scientist or mathematician couldn't solve and with Jared, I felt so weak.Control is very important in my life and with Alec I had to give up that but with Jared, I thought I had no control at all. No, Jared too is making me confused. And I don't know why but even with everything happening, I feel so wary of Jared, as if he has some sort of hidden agenda, at first I thought he was teasing me, wanting to go out with me not that I was pleased with that. The way he smiled at me felt as if he had the devil whispering something in his ear and he liking it. No matter what Alec did to me I knew he was being truthful, he never hid his intentions with me, ( that scared me to death sometimes).When I had a break from all of that, I focused on who had attacked Alec, it wasn't that he had come home like that the first time. There were so many times, he would be badly injured that I had to even stitch him up, I was a pro at that by now. Sometimes I wonder where would my life be right now if I hadn't met Alec. Probably not as this challenging and adventurous.I am drawn to his presence, in the moment when I am with him, I can't think about anything but him, especially not the consequences.  

I make my way to the kitchen, not to cook but to look for my cordless phone, I order omelet, fruit salad , toast, pancakes, bacon and fries. I am starved and I guess so is Alec. I make my way to the coffee machine to pour myself one. I feel a hand tug at my waist and I quickly turn around but before I can see anything, I am enveloped by a deep kiss that is blowing my mind. I break away from the kiss, panting to find a Alec in a peculiar state, his hair is a mess which makes him look even cuter and is wearing grey pyjamas with a white plain tight T-shirt which emphasizes his well built body. 

'That is one way to greet someone Good morning' I tease as I lean back on the kitchen counter. Thank god, I don't have a very short height or I'd have to sit on the counter than stand. 

He chuckles lightly and says' Morning, love' 

'Why aren't you at work?' I look at him as if he has grown two heads. 

'Oh please, I am not going to leave all wounded and hurt' I narrow my eyes when he looks at me as if I had grown two heads.

'You didn't have to do that Zenda, I've been through worse remember' he scowls at me and I am about to say something when the bells rings. 

'Well, I am sure you are hungry so lets' eat first, we have a busy day' I don't wait to give an explanation and head for the door. 

Fortunately Alec doesn't ask me anything between our breakfast. And anyway who can make conversation when they are eating like a horse . Guess he was quite hungry. 

'You know I was actually quite dreading when I woke up,I thought I had to cook for the both of us' he teased. I grimaced. 

'You know one of these days, you'll end up in big trouble Al' I said as I picked up our plates. ' Are you in any pain, do u need any pills or any painkillers?' I ask when I see medicines above the refrigerator.  

'I'm good' he simply said.

'Fine, then pack up and get ready' he frowns. 

'Why?'

'We're going to you apartment. Remember?' He gives me a wolfish grin and I beam with pride for making him happy. 

.....Flashback.....

3 years ago

' I am fine' I say to Alec who tries to put some cream on my wounds on my hands which I got because he hurt and handcuffed me last night.Bloody Asshole. 

'Zenda, I don't think you have learnt your lesson, I am trying to help you, now we don't any one in your office asking you how you got hurt, do we?' Not that he will let me wear anything that reveals my hands. I reluctantly give my hands to him and he gently applies the cream on it which I notice is actually baby oil. He gently massages my hand which makes me wonder, Is this the same person who handcuffed me for the millionth time just because I went to attend a business meeting without informing him. Bastard. 

I have bruises all over my hand because he held me tightly at all times whenever I rejected him or avoided him throughout the evening. So, what if there was a meeting in a Restaurant, I don't fucking care anymore. I am not scared he will do anything to me. 

'You know Zen, you don't have to disobey me, just give in control. let me handle everything. I promise you won't get disappointed. You are Mine. We've been together for so long. You still don't get that in you thick skull. I am not letting you, I will never let you go. I try to fuck that into your body and brain every night but I just don't get it, why do you have to defy me' I couldn't believe that jerk. I was suddenly filled with rage and all I could see was Red. That's it, he deserves an answer. I snatch my hand away from him and looks at me with fury in his eyes.

'You are the one who has been stalking me for the past few years, you forced your way into my life you jerk. I had a simple business meeting and I came back in time, it's not like I was charting on you, you didn't had to handcuff me like a bloody criminal, you've hurt me. Not just mentally but also physically. You are the worst mistake I could ever have made. I hate myself sometimes just because I come back to you every fucking time. You quite literally made me go on dates with you, used your charms to get me to sleep with you and I hate you for influencing me at all times. You've confused me more than anything in my entire life and today, I was about to lose everything that I have worked for in just a couple of minutes because of you.' He looked at me as if He was ready to rip my head out but I could see that I had hurt him, his eyes give everything away. You just have to look close enough. Knowing that I had hurt him gave me a different level of high that I couldn't stop. I wanted to hurt him more.

'You are an insolent, arrogant,selfish, disastrous son of a bitch-' He cut me off by holding me up and throwing me on the floor and then he did something that I could never forget. HE FUCKING KICKED ME!!!!!! Shit, he kicked me. I don't know why I was so shocked, a man like him who is capable of killing people can surely kick someone. After all I am like a possession to him. A prize who he conquered which was now old and rotting in dust. 

'You bitch, you've grown yourself a mouth haven't you, you bitch. I gave you everything you ever could ask for, I am fucking THE VICIOUS.People shit their pants when I walk in the room and you have the nerve to disrespect me. I have given you free reign but not anymore, count your last days .' Then he kicked me once more. There was so much pain, not just physical pain but it's like everything inside of me hurt. Everything. I could feel like the pain will last forever and ever. I wanted to cry but couldn't as there were no more tears to come. 

'Don't' I said in a firm voice ' I am pregnant' He was about to kick me once more when he stopped and his eyes widened.