Year 12 (First Draft)

-Chapter 15-

  "Thanks for leaving me in there with those monsters," Andrea says, rolling her eyes at Paul.

  "You're so dramatic," Paul says, "they aren't monsters."

  "Speak for yourself, because the second you left, they all suddenly had a ton of questions that they had to know I couldn't answer. It's like they enjoy watching me suffer," Andrea complains. Paul chuckles, walking behind Andrea on his way to the bookshelf in the office.

  "They aren't the only ones," He jokes, and Andrea looks about ready to launch from her seat. I give her a sobering look and she sighs.

  "What's your plan?" Andrea asks out of the blue, piercing me with her gaze, "We need to be able to answer that for them. That's all they want to know. If you can't give them a plan, then they can't bring themselves to trust you."

  "I need help," I admit, feeling defeated. "We all know I'm not the greatest at putting plans together."

  "Well Felisha, start with what you know for sure," Paul says, walking back over to the desk. "When are we going? Why are we going? What do we hope to gain? What are the possible casualties?"

  We go over some of the basics, but I feel distant from the conversation, and my mind begins to wander. There's somewhere I'd rather be right now to work on this plan and to think, and it is not in this office.

  "I'll see you guys at dinner," I say, putting the LR-9 back in the desk, standing up, heading out of the office. I hear Andrea's and Paul's confused goodbyes as I leave and head toward Kane's room.

  I sit on Kane's bed, running my fingers over the sheets. If my plan fails, there's a chance we'll never get Kane back. I'll never get him back. The thought of that hurts me most. I want and need nothing more than to have Kane back. I've lost so many people recently, and I can't lose Kane. I think back to Charlie jumping in front of me, the bullet meant for me lodging deep into his chest. I remember how my parents lost their lives for the very cause I am working to protect.

  My head feels like it's spinning, and my heart punches against my rib cage. Charlie, my mom and dad, Kane, none of them deserved any of this. None of us deserves any of this. I think of Anya and Amelia, who somehow, some way, have been slightly sheltered from this life, and I know will not forever be able to be safe from the Government. I worry most for Anya. She can't stay here forever, and her parents are definitely on the Government's radar. They have the most wanted criminal's little sister living with them after all.

  I walk to the bathroom, feeling nauseous. I hover near the toilet, worried that I may lose my breakfast. After the stress of the meeting, and all these thoughts about my parents and Charlie, I'm feeling unsteady and on edge. I sit on the edge of the bathtub, closing my eyes to steady myself. I imagine Kane, sitting in some Cell, his body covered in Government induced ink and scars. I imagine what it would be like to walk into that Cell, taking him far away from there, and never letting harm come to him again. I pull my legs up, resting my chin on my knees. I imagine what it would be like if my parents were still alive. Would they be proud of me? Were they proud of me? I think about my brother who is sitting in our own form of a Cell, the Government trying their hardest to take control of him. My heart breaks when I think of Charlie. Did the Government bury him? Probably not.

  I hear a knock on Kane's door, but I ignore it. I don't want to see anyone right now. I imagine that Kane is here with me, his arms wrapped around me. If he was here, that's exactly what would happen. He'd be here to comfort me. He'd tell me everything will be okay, and even if the world was crumbling around us, I'd believe him. He could tell me a million lies and I'd believe every last one of them. I don't know if he realizes that he has that power over me. I don't know if I even realized it myself until now. I let my mind wander to all of Andrea's comments about Kane and I, more importantly how we feel for each other. I've been so focused on not feeling anything, that I've ignored what's obviously there. I do love Kane, I know that. I don't know in what way. Do I see him as a significant other? A friend? Simply an ally? All of the above? I don't have an answer. Not a definite one at least.