Noir

Chapter 5 - Taken

Yixing and I walked arm in arm back to our bedroom in silence. I had never felt so physically ill with worry in my life. There was no going around it now, no avoiding things. Yixing was going to make me lose my virginity tonight, whether I wanted to or not.

"Jikyung," He said quietly, once we were in our bedroom. Yixing was sitting on our bed, easing off his tunic. I looked away. I knew I wouldn't be able to watch as he had his way with me. "Jikyung," He repeated. "Please, just look at me."

"Just take me!" I cried, covering my mouth with my hand, trying not to cry.

"I know you want too and I know you're going too. Please, just have your way with me and be finished with me, that's all I ask."

"Oh, sweetheart," He reached for my hand, but I pulled it away.

"Just do it," I said, tears sliding down my eyes and over my hand. "Now you won't have to be embarrassed in front of your friends."

"You heard that?" Yixing asked, sounding slightly hurt. "Oh, Jikyung...I'm so sorry. They were just fooling around." I said nothing, keeping my face away from his. "Jikyung, please look at me."

I didn't, and Yixing's hand reached up, gently turning my tear-soaked face towards his. "Why did you run?"

"I was scared," I wept. "I'm sorry, I was weak. I have...a duty." I remembered the soldier's words and bowed my head. I could feel Yixing's eyes on me, until he took me by the shoulders, pulling me into his arms.

"Sweetheart, don't cry," He murmured, stroking my hair. "I'm not going to hurt you, alright? I will never hurt you."

I didn't hug him back, although I realized that part of me wanted too. Part of me wanted to cling to someone, but I was afraid of Yixing, as kind as he was.

"Lie down with me," He pulled me down onto the bed, still holding me in his arms. "Shh..." He murmured, wiping away my tears with his thumb. I could not look him in the eye. "Are you ready?" He asked, and I wordlessly nodded, biting my lip to keep from crying.

Yixing rolled so that he was on top of me, straddling me with both legs. I turned my face into the pillow, unable to watch as he slid my dress down my thighs, fully exposing me. I was completely vulnerable now, and there was no going back. I remembered the soldier's words. "You have a duty."

I fought from crying out when he entered me, biting my lip so hard I tasted blood. It didn't feel good at all, in fact, it hurt. Yixing planted both hands on the sides of my head as he began to draw in and out. Look at what you've become, I thought sadly to myself. You're just his toy, his plaything.

Yixing was sweating, part of his hair falling into his face as he continued to rock back and forth against me. I saw his fists curl into the sheets, and the shine of sweat gleam off of his naked chest. I didn't want to look at the rest of him, I couldn't bring myself too. I tried to take deep breaths, to calm myself, when suddenly, something hot and warm spread inside of me, deep throughout my core. I couldn't help but cry out in surprise as Yixing pulled out and leaned back on his knees, sighing in release and wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.

"Jikyung - ah," He cooed, falling next to me. I pulled away from him, rolling on my side so that my back was to him, and buried my face in the pillow as he held me, trying to keep the silent tears from falling down my face. He could not see me cry. I was stronger than that.