Noir

Chapter 15 - Sacrifices

My life had drastically changed. Ever since I told Yixing the news, a thousand new rules had sprung up. There was no housework to be done while I was pregnant, and I slept with a knife under the bed, to ward off evil spirits. I was to think pure, clean thoughts at all times, read good poetry, and was never to loose my temper. Every action, every thought I had affected my child. I ate light-colored foods, and we didn't tell anyone else until I was past the six-month mark. And sex was absolutely not allowed.

That was the hardest part for Yixing. At night, I would lie beside him, my back against him and his arms around me. He would hold my stomach with affection, and speak of how happy he was that there would be a child born to us. Or I would be facing him, and he would smile softly down at me and my ever-increasing belly.

One of the better parts of my pregnancy was that I didn't have to work at all. I wasn't expected to do much around the home regardless, but now, my sole responsibility was staying healthy and relaxed. And for the most part, I was. Yixing did everything for me, and always got me whatever I needed, once even fixing me chicken and noodles in the middle of the night, because I had a craving. I had never been more grateful for his presence, comforting me when I cried, beaming when I was happy, and being ever so patient during my mood swings. I knew he would be the perfect father.

One day, Yixing approached me, a tentative look on his face. "Jikyung-ah," He said, sitting down beside me. "I think it's time that we visit my parents."

"What?" I cried in alarm, although I had a feeling that this was coming. We had to tell them some time. "Yixing, n-no!" I remembered Yimou and Li Yuen attacking me when they found out about the "affair". I never wanted to see either man again. "I can't go back there!"

"They should know, at the very least. It's been eight months since we've seen them," He said apologetically. "Ji, I don't want to see my father any more than you do. But he and my mother have the right to know this news. I promise, it will only be for a day or two."

I reluctantly agreed, and by the next week, we were traveling with Luhan and Yifan to the Zhang estate. I had heard little of the war against the Huns, but I did know that the fighting was growing more severe day by day. Yixing didn't like to talk about it, especially around me, but sometimes I overheard stories from Yifan and Luhan, who had heard news from the village. I was just grateful that Yixing was exempt. 

++

From the moment that we arrived at the Zhang estate, my heart was pounding and my knees felt weak. Here was the last place that I wanted to be, but I tried to keep my thoughts to myself for the sake of Yixing. Luhan and Yifan rode alongside us, and even though they said nothing, I could sense that they knew exactly how I was feeling. I kept folding and refolding my hands over my stomach.

When we arrived, the place was much quieter than I remembered. No groups of men in uniform meandered about, only the occasional servant. Yixing helped me dismount, and I asked him where all of the soldiers were. "We'll have to find out soon," He murmured, slipping his hand in mine.
Yixing and I entered the estate, Yifan and Luhan flanking us from behind. "Father," Yixing let go of my hand when Yimou emerged, and I stopped in my tracks, panic settling in. Yimou's eyes went instantly to me, and then fell to my stomach. "It's been a while."

"It has been eight months," Yimou replied, finally looking away from me. I felt increasingly uncomfortable, and felt Yifan's presence beside me.

"He won't hurt you," He murmured quietly, so only I could hear, but when I looked up Yifan was staring stoically ahead. 

"I see Jikyung is with child," Yimou had since turned to me, and had begun to walk towards me. I took a step back, a Yifan stepped in front of me, without a word. Yimou narrowed his eyes, staring down Yifan, and a smile briefly flicked across his lips. "It's interesting that you arrive now, Yixing," He looked away. "We were just speaking of you."

"We?" Yixing repeated, and just then, the governor stepped out of a room. "My Lord," Yixing bowed, and the rest of us did the same. My heart began to sink with worry, because Yixing didn't look ill, or wounded anymore. He looked strong, healthy, like he could be a soldier.
I swiftly turned to Luhan, who was standing back aways. "Go back to the horses," I said quietly, as Yifan was already within the governor's eyesight. I had a feeling of what was going to come, and if I could at least save one of them...

"Zhang Yixing, I see you have recovered to excellent health," The governor commented, and I went to my husband's side, taking his arm.

"I have, My Lord," Yixing replied, and I could only think of how he was setting himself up for a trap, of how he was completely oblivious of what lay in store for him. "Jikyung has been very supportive."
"And you have recovered completely of your injuries sustained while defending your estate?" The governor replied, and I wanted to scream at Yixing to stop talking. 

"Yes, My Lord, I have," Yixing replied and I hung my head, gripping his arm tighter.

"Your father and I have been speaking about your future, and the future of our country," The governor continued. "We feel it is only right that ever male who is able should serve his country in this war."
Now Yixing was understanding, and I turned to him. His face looked several shades paler, his mouth hanging open just slightly as he processed this news.

"Of course, your wife could return back to the Zhang estate during your service," The governor continued, and Yixing interrupted suddenly.

"My Lord, my wife is six months with child, I cannot leave her on her own," He insisted, looking down on me with alarm. "Jikyung..." He bowed his head towards mine.

"Your wife will be fine in the Zhang estate," The governor added. "She will be able to give birth safely while you are away."

"How will I know that?" Yixing demanded, holding me close to him. "How can I possibly know that if I am away from her? You told me that I wouldn't have to serve, I was injured in combat, my Lord!"
"Situations have come up at the front," The governor said, looking uncomfortable. "We need all the soldiers we have."

"This is the birth of our first child, My Lord," Yixing begged. "Please."

"And may it be a son," The governor expressed, his face still stoic. "Your service is needed, Zhang Yixing. It would be dishonorable if you refused to serve your country."

Yixing looked like his heart had broken in half. "Jikyung, I don't know what to say," He said to me, his voice soft and broken. "I never knew...I never meant..."

"It's not your fault," I struggled not to cry. "It's going to be fine, you'll be fine."

"My Lord," Yifan spoke up, who had been quiet through this whole exchange. "Is it not possible that I could take my Lord's place in the army?"

I turned around in shock, staring at Yifan as a tear shot down my cheek. "What?"

Yifan swallowed and slowly stepped forth. "My Lord will have his first child in less than three months. I cannot imagine any father missing the birth of their firstborn, and I child without a father is unthinkable. Allow me to go in his stead."

"Yifan..." Yixing said in stunned shock. "I cannot ask this of you."

"Wu Yifan has a duty to his country as well," Yimou replied. "Hiding out with my son so he did not have to enlist was dishonorable. He must enlist as well."

"It was not dishonorable, father, he was with me," Yixing scowled.

"Yifan is right," The governor said firmly. "No man should miss the birth of his firstborn. I will give you until the birth of your child, Yixing. After he is born, you are to enlist straightaway. Wu Yifan is to enlist right away."

"Yifan - " Yixing released me and went to his friend, embracing him. He murmured something in his ear that I couldn't hear, and pulled away, looking horribly distraught.

"I have no qualms serving my country," Yifan said, giving me a short glance before going towards the governor. "I have honor."

Yixing stared at the ground, his shoulders shaking. "Thank you for your kindness, My Lord," He bowed before the governor. I walked over to Yixing numbly and stood beside him, bowing as well, although I was difficult with my belly. "Your mercy is not forgotten."