Noir

Chapter 8 - Infidelity

Beside Yixing, I couldn't sleep, my mind tossing and turning with the thought of the war. Part of me wished that Zitao had never told me, and the other part was satisfied that I was allowed to be trusted with this sort of information. The fact of war terrified me. I couldn't bear the thought of killing another person, and I had always been queasy about blood.

Unsatisfied, I slowly got out of bed, careful not to disturb a sleeping Yixing, and tiptoed out of my room. The moon was full tonight, and it seemed to be even closer to the ground. I longed to be closer to it, just to watch and reflect, to get my thoughts together. The low-lying roof wasn't that far from the ground, and I wondered if I could climb on top to gaze at the night sky.

Hitching up my dress, I began to climb a nearby tree, balancing on the twisting branches. I reached out, and flailing my legs underneath me, I pushed myself up onto the roof, gripping the tiles hard. I kept myself crouched low, as I scaled the low sloping rooftop and until I found a good spot and tilted my head up to look at the moon.

The night air was cold, but I barely noticed. I was already consumed by my thoughts. Faintly, I was clinging onto the hope that I would see my soldier once more, that he would come to me once again in the night. I wanted to know his name, to see his face, just once. I realized how little I knew about him, only that he had comforted me when I needed him, that he had saved me from myself. All I wanted was to at least thank him.

"Milady," I heard a voice and recognized it immediately. My gaze shifted from the stars to my soldier and I saw him standing beneath me, looking up at my spot on the roof. "How in the world?" His posture was relaxed, and a chuckled played at his lips under his mask.

"Come join me," I said boldly, grinning with joy. It was like I had summoned him without even thinking of him.

The soldier climbed up on the roof using my method of the tree and took a seat beside me. "Milady, what would possess you to want to something like this? You could have gotten seriously hurt!"

"I'm fine!" I exclaimed. "I just wanted some air."

"You leave your bedroom quite often, I've noticed," He said coyly. "You must be a poor sleeper."

"I like to look at the night sky," I replied. "It's relaxing."

"You don't feel the need to sleep?" He teased, and I chuckled, the first time I'd laughed in a long time. "I'm surprised you're not running."

"You were right," I said quietly, looking away. The mood had fallen. "I have no place to go. The world...the world is a dangerous place."

"Milady," The soldier said slowly. "I was thinking how because of the...recent events, it isn't safe for you to be outside at night."

"But this whole manor is swarming with men," I replied. "I'm perfectly safe."

"You would be safer with your husband - "

"I'm safe with you." I let my words hang in the air, and held my breath, awaiting his response. I had no idea how he would react, or if I was pushing things too far, too fast. The soldier sighed, turning his gaze back up at the moon.

"We can't do this," He said again, his voice low. "It's wrong, sneaking out at night, hiding around to see each other."

"You - you want to see me?" I asked in surprise.

"Of course I do," My soldier turned to face me. All I could see was the glint of his eyes, but I could tell that he was sincere. "But Jikyung, what if you were out and we were attacked? What if I wasn't there for you?"

"Don't talk like that," I looked away. "It's not going to happen."

"I'd like to believe that," The soldier said. "I really do. But I can't afford for you to get hurt."

"How will I ever see you again?" I asked, my heart rate quickening. My heart began to pound with the thought of forsaking him.

"You know me," He replied. "Without the mask. I see you every day."

"Why can't you tell me who you are?" I reached out and touched his mask, feeling the fabric with my fingertips. He quickly put his hand up over mine, and he stared at me in fear.

"I can't let my emotions get in the way of what you have with your husband," He replied. "It's wrong."

"You feel the same way?" The soldier looked like he had been punched in the gut, and he silently nodded.

"I love you, Jikyung," He murmured, and I felt my heart swell up with joy. He took my hand and continued to speak. "I have since the day we met, and I have ever since." I leaned towards him and closed my eyes.

"Don't worry," I murmured, my fingers closing around the edge of his mask. "I won't look."

I shut my eyes, pulling his mask down slowly, and pressing my lips to his. The soldier stood there in shock, his face stiff at first, but then I felt him give in, and kiss me back. His arms folded around me, and I laid my hands on his chest, very close to him. I knew what we were doing was bad, that I was cheating on Yixing, that I was committing adultery, that this whole scenario was wrong. 

But in that moment, with him, everything was one hundred percent right.