Noir

Chapter 7 - An Oncoming Storm

I awoke lying on my stomach, my arms wrapped around a pillow. I felt groggy, and suddenly realized that someone was touching my cheek. I rolled over and saw Yixing at my side, his expression soft and concerned. His fingers brushed my cheek in some sort of affection, and he shifted in his seat when he saw that I was awake.

"Yixing?" I asked.

"I'm here," He murmured. "How are you feeling?"

"How...how are you here? I thought you were away," I murmured, slowly sitting up. Yixing's hand fell from my face, and I sat up, leaning back against the masses of pillows.

"We got back late last night, and I found you like this," Yixing said slowly, choosing his words carefully.

"I didn't want to wake you. But Jikyung, you look so sad. What is wrong? What can I do to see you smile again?" He reached out to touch my cheek and I pulled away, bowing my head. I couldn't tell him about the soldier who had returned last night, who had consoled me as best as I had allowed him too. How was I supposed to explain to my husband that there was a soldier on my thoughts, one who wouldn't reveal his face, but I found myself oddly drawn too nonetheless? What would I tell him: bring me the soldier so that I might know who he is? It would be impossible, and a horrible thing to ask of my husband.

"Nothing is wrong, Yixing," I said softly.

"Then why were you crying into your pillow?" He raised his voice, not accusingly, but angrily with more concern.

"I fell asleep before you returned - " I said, narrowing my eyes. "How could you possibly know that?"

"Your pillow," He said, lowering his voice. He appeared to fumble with his words before he selected a few to form a suitable answer. "It was soaked with tears when I came in. That could only mean that you were upset."

"I - I'm fine - "

"Jikyung, please don't lie to me," He said, taking my hands in his. "Look at you, you're still in the dress you wore when I left you. Please talk to me. I won't get angry at you, whatever you say."

I looked up at him in pain. I couldn't possibly tell him to his face that I didn't love him, that I never wanted to make this relationship work. I couldn't tell him about the soldier and I couldn't tell him about wanting to die.

"Yixing..." I managed, before just falling into his arms for a hug. He held me close and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap. I curled up close to him, my lip quivering a little, as I buried my head in his neck, hiding my face. I had to admit, this was relieving, and I calmed myself down enough to be able to relax into his embrace. Yixing was strong, but his hold gentle, and I realized how safe I felt.

"Whatever is wrong, you can talk to me, alright?" He promised. "I will do everything in my power to make you happy again."

++

The next few days, it seemed like the manor was swarming with men, recruits from the Zhang estate for the governor to send to the army. Men of all ages were reporting for duty, and I tried to listen to voices, trying to pick out the one of my soldier. It became almost a quest to find him, but a near impossible one at that. In their armor, everyone was nearly indistinguishable, and with a face mask as well...part of me wanted to give up on him, but I just had to see this man again, to know his name. I wanted to thank him for his words; because of him, I was feeling a little better.