For The Boy Who Doesn't Know

First Date

September 16th, 2017

Dear First Date,

We still haven't told our parents about our relationship, but we successfully pulled our first date without them knowing.

Technically, this is my first date, too. Like how you're my first real relationship, the first person I actually love, and the first person to have a mutual passionate kiss. Hold on, I'll talk about that later in the entry.

So, we decided to go see a movie at our nearby theatre. You, like always, wanted it to be a surprise since it was my actual first date, too. But then you set the time too late for my mom's liking so we had to switch movies and times.

I found out that the first movie you wanted to see was a horror movie. Can I just ask WHY?! Like we talk about this ALL THE TIME how I DON'T LIKE horror movies. I mean I love you, but no.

Your excuse was so I can be closer to you when I'm scared. After the movie, I would've punched you for making me watch that movie. You said it was funny to you, but our feelings toward clowns are definitely not the same.

We then watched a very complicated movie about a woman having an affair, but then breaks off the affair, then goes back to the husband, then divorces the husband, and then ended with having both as possibly friends. I don't know the ending was too open for me I honestly didn't like it.

What I also didn't like was what happened during the movie. I hear about people doing the do in a movie theatre but I didn't think it was true. I rarely go to the movie theatre as it is since I rather watch movies by myself or with close friends (plus they're expensive).

As I was trying to enjoy the confusing movie, I felt you put your arm around me which I didn't think too much about. I thought you just wanted to be closer during the movie but I definitely underestimated it. 

Your hand decided to go near a part I did not consent to and I froze. This is the third guy and I still freeze in this situation. It doesn't help that we are in a public place and I was on the inside of the aisle. I never felt so trapped in my life.

Thankfully your hand never reached the part but what you said after the movie is what made the past 4 years not exist.

As the movie continued, you did this thing you've been doing to me the past year. You blew air on my face, making me retaliate. And as usual, I wanted revenge and blew air back in your face. Only then you got my attention.

You wanted to kiss me.

Alright, so the last few guys who kissed me either only wanted my body or used me for their own emotional stability. I didn't really know how to kiss properly. Also, I was still in shock with the just prior event.

So, when we kissed, I practically didn't know what to do. Your pace was way too fast than normal making the kiss awkward. I can tell it was uncomfortable on both ends but for drastically different reasons. 

May I add I wasn't expecting any of this to happen? I just wanted to watch a movie.

But, that has to be one of the most embarrassing things I have done in public. Even though I know it's not true, it felt like the whole theatre watched the fail of a first kiss.

I couldn't think straight for the rest of the movie and was able to finally breathe when we went out to the lobby. 

We were waiting for our parents to pick us up when we were just having casual conversations and as usual, I mostly acted as if nothing happened. Until you said two sentences right before my mom arrived.

"You should have let me touch it."

Excuse me? Like what the fuck. 

"Also, I'll teach you how to kiss don't worry."

What. The. Literal. Fuck. 

No, you didn't have the right to touch it and no, you need to be taught how to kiss. But I didn't voice those thoughts since his presence was so strong out of nowhere. I was too nervous. to even respond to him and went to my mom to be taken home.

I'm not sure how to think of this relationship. It's hard having this happen with someone I thought I loved for 3 years. 

Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Love?,
Your Date