For The Boy Who Doesn't Know

Possible Break Up

September 26, 2017

Dear Possible Break Up,

I just discovered I emotionally abuse myself.

You know ever since we started dating, I've been emotionally abusing myself.

"Am I good enough for him? Am I skinny enough? Is my lack of Spanish a turn-off? Is my acne a turn-off? Should I wear make-up? Should I have 'regular' hair and straighten and grow it out? Am I not sexually active enough? Should I dress more 'girly' like?

Am I good enough?"

I had to look it up. I didn't know emotional abuse to oneself was a thing until I saw how affected I was. I was more stressed, depressed, and unwanted even though you seemed to want me.

Notable word: seemed.

Then again you always talk about sex so I guess you seem to want me sexually, but not emotionally. 

You haven't been messaging back. I message you, yet, you leave me on read. You don't even give me any morning texts you did every day. 

What did I do wrong?

I keep thinking you either went back to your ex or found someone else. My trust in relationships crumbles when situations like this happen. It makes me abuse myself more than I already do.

Why can't you just tell me what's going on? It only takes one minute to say "oh I'm with my family" or "sorry, I got in trouble. Can't message you back." You know how easily worried I get. Why would you stress me out like that?

Well, whatever the reason is, I have been thinking the past week you haven't messaged back. I was remembering our differences and how big they are. We're so completely different, how can this continue?

The answer? It can't. I don't think we should be together. It's not just you either, just anyone in general. I'm just an emotional hot mess. I shouldn't be in a relationship.

I might break up with you soon if you don't message back. I don't and can't do this anymore. It's giving me much-unneeded stress right now.

I hope you don't cause a scene.

See ya,

The Mess