For The Boy Who Doesn't Know

The End

October 6, 2017

Dear The End,

Well. It's over. I broke up with you only to find out that you were planning on doing the same. Your excuse was "to not hurt me while you were at boot camp." I would've accepted that if I didn't find out the stuff I did from our friend.

You told me that before the home country incident, you never drank or had sex. That if that incident never happened, you would've been a virgin.

Well, our friend told me that you told her you had sex. Multiple times.

Now, I just want to go back to the time we hung out the week you came back from your country. You said that you did all the sexual activities, except actually putting it in the girl.

Additionally, let's go back to freshman year when you told me that you lost your virginity while being drunk at some party. Apparently, you had around 4 or 5 girls in bed with you the next morning. I only half-believed it because that's random to tell me. I figured that you thought you would've sounded cool by saying you went to a party and drank because we were in high school and that was the "thing."

I guess that was actually real.

We weren't dating at both of those times, but I still trusted those words.

And now that trust I had for you is broken.

You not only lied to me about those two things, but I'm sure you did for other things. If you can lie in those areas, I don't know what to believe anymore.

And not only that but you changed your bio of one of your social media platforms. It said, "don't have time for games."

If I recall correctly I wasn't playing any games. I was messaging you and waiting for you to answer. My reason for breaking up was true and I told you before we dated that I didn't understand my feelings well and I wasn't that emotionally stable.

I was angry at that. I'm not sure if that was indirectly towards me since we did just break up the very same day, but I was angry.

The reason why I'm pointing that out so much is because normally, I don't feel angry much.

But now I feel numb.

Now, I can't emotionally trust boys not only because of you but for my past relationships, too. I seem to get the males that want to either use me emotionally or sexually. There's no in-between.

I don't know what to feel about relationships. I just see them as a waste of fucking time and problems that can be avoided.

I'll still support my friends, though. I most likely won't agree with what they say but I'll support them.

We're just friends now. You asked if we can be "besties", again. I said sure because I feel for others before I feel for myself. I'm somewhat angry at myself for that. I just know we won't be the same now and there's a high chance I will stop talking to you.

I blame myself, you know. I could've said, "no, I need more time to stabilize myself and understand my feelings." But I said yes.

We could've avoided this whole thing. I could've avoided this whole thing.

I guess that's just life. Full of unneeded shit and a small percentage of good stuff.

Well, whatever I'm just happy it's over now. I'm not planning on being in a relationship for a long time. I literally mentally and emotionally flinch at a situation that I like someone or want to date someone.

I hope, you have that "real" relationship you wanted.

Bye,
Single Pringle