For The Boy Who Doesn't Know

Birthday Boy 2.0

February 28, 2015

Dear Birthday Boy 2.0,

You invited me to your birthday party this year a while back and I was actually able to go. I was so happy because I wasn't able to last year. That was coincidentally also my first actual party.

At first, it was a bit awkward, for me at least. I was waiting for your girlfriend to show up. I thought that you guys would do a lot of PDA or something and it will hurt, but she didn't show up. It made me think if you guys broke up, but I soon found out from a cousin of yours that she couldn't make it. I was sad for you but relieved for me to be put in that possible tense situation of a girlfriend and best friend wanting the same attention. I knew that if she was here, the whole night would've gone in a totally opposite direction.

Our mutual friend and I got together to get your gift. It was a Batman clock and a necklace with a boxing charm because of how much you love the sport and Batman. I was honestly really proud of our gift and I hoped you liked it. You did and you said that you will put the necklace on your shelf full of your prized boxing items and the clock on your wall as soon as the party was over. I felt so special.

I met so many of your friends and family that night. I finally felt like I was in your life. I met a new neighbor of yours that will soon be one of my best friends for a short period of time.

Around that time, a song came on and you wanted to dance to it. We danced bachata for a bit and that was the first time I was really close to you. I was anxious the whole time but glad we had that moment together. I must've been blushing so much because you started chuckling toward the end.

However, the people I knew and chatted with soon left one at a time and it just became you and me. You stayed with me because you knew I didn't do well in big social situations like this. We sat on your stairwell and just talked. We talked until my mom arrived around an hour later when it only felt like the party has just gotten started.

You led me to my mom's car because you wanted to be a gentleman. That's when my mom started realizing the chemistry between us and kept on asking questions about us, about you, about your family, etc. It's funny looking back on it but during the time it was the most embarrassing moment of my life with a boy.

You know, you're so confusing. When we are in school, you are so focused on your girlfriend that you forget that I exist to a certain extent. At the party, you wanted to be around me the whole time and made sure I was okay. Whenever you had a choice to do something with someone else, 9/10 times you said no and stayed with me. I felt flattered, but it also didn't help the fact that I was trying not to like you anymore. 

I feel like a scratched record player, but seriously, stop playing with my heart. 

Feeling alone, 

Me