Kalopsia // Fillie

Chapter f o u r

♥four♥

ღcloserღ

After asking each-other questions for two hours, the one I've been dreading pops up.

"What happened to your mom?"

I remain quiet for a moment, wondering if I should tell the truth.

"She..she uh, she left me and my dad when I was ten. Her exact words were: "I want you to be with someone who cares"...but little did she know, my father was an alcoholic that turned abusive when his whiskey was too strong. I haven't heard from her since..."

He stares at me, the pity evident in his expression. The thing is, I don't want his sympathy..I just want company. I want someone to finally care about me and what I have to say. And that's exactly what he does. Pulling up the metal chair for visitors, Finn places himself beside me and pulls my left hand towards him, stroking it softly. The gesture is so simple, so careful, yet so meaningful. Some people might've found this awkward, or strange perhaps, but I find it beautiful how he can comfort me without words. This boy (who's basically still kinda a stranger) understands me...and that's all I've ever wanted. 

•••

"Oh, I didn't know you two were sleeping, sorry for waking you," Nurse Tessa's voice squeaks.

Finn shrugs up into a sitting position and rubs his eyes lazily. Nurse Tessa stands there rigidly, then blinks, as if emerging from a trance.

"Finn, I'm here for your lung check-up. I've never done this before, please be patient with me."

Finn chews on his lip before picking up his tank and retreating to his bed.

"It's already been six months?" He asks quietly while seating himself on his pale blue sheets.

"Yup...sorry that Joe isn't here to do it."

It almost feels wrong to be here, but there's virtually nowhere for me to go. Staring at him intently (which slightly bugs me for reasons I can't figure out), Tessa clicks her pen and starts jotting down words in a hurried script.

"Okay Finn, you know the drill. We're doing the FEV1 test, like usual. Do you need me to go over the procedure?"

He shakes his head 'no'. I wonder how many times he's had to do this.

"okay, on the count of three, I want you to release as much oxygen as possible. One, two, three."

Finn lets out a short, sharp breath, and it itself appears to take a lot out of him. "Alright, once again."

He waits for the count and pushes out yet another wheezing attempt. His face flushes a deep red, as if he's embarrassed. I hope he's not, he has no reason to be. It's not his fault he has lung cancer.

"Last time Finn," she pauses and glances at the mint clock behind her right shoulder. "You're actually doing pretty good, considering your.....situation," Nurse Tessa remarks, but it only makes Finn blush more.

He waits for the countdown, then releases his breath. Nurse Tessa finishes writing her report and tucks the BiC pen in her bun.

"I'm suppose to turn in the largest exhaled volume to Dr. Ryder. Compared to your last FEV1 test, a four is fantastic." Finn nods, but I can tell he's not really listening by the way his deep brown eyes appear far away. She seems to notice too, and makes her way to the door, only stopping to ask if I need anything. 

"Nothing this hospital can provide," I respond.

I don't mean it in a harsh way, it's just the truth. They can't miraculously fix my legs, or Finn's lungs. They can't erase the past and make my father's endless abuse end. They can't bring my mom back, so yes, it's just the truth.

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~K