Kalopsia // Fillie

Chapter s i x t e e n

♥sixteen♥

ღbegging you to stayღ

We spent the next five days laughing, talking, being blissful, and enjoying our waning youth. Well, as much you possibly can inside a hospital room. Every moment glorious and ephemeral, but definitely memorable. As long as I live, I don't think I'll ever meet another person like Finn.

"Hey Finn..." I say softly to the ceiling.

"Hmm?" 

"If you weren't in this situation, what would you do with your life?"

"I don't know, but I think it'd be more like 'what would life do to me?.' I would've liked fate to deal me a good hand, maybe a career as a musician, marry a certain someone," he pauses to wink at me; it makes my heart flutter. 

"...etcetera. But it's futile wasting my very limited energy thinking about future that will never exist."

I swing my legs slowly back and forth over the side of my bed. I wish it wasn't like this. I wish we would've met in an other life, under better circumstances. 

"Where's your favorite place on earth Finn?"

He wiggles around in his sheets until he's looking my way. 
"There's this meadow by my mom's house, it's full of trees and life....that place will always remain special to me. If we would've met...differently, I definitely would've taken you there. The sky is breathtaking at night."
He sighs contently and leans back, appearing lost in thought.

"Mills?"

I hum softly to let him know I'm listening, but I can tell from the tone of his voice whatever he says is going to be heavy. 
"You and me, we both know what'll end up happening with...this," he pauses to motion back-and-forth between us. 

"Basically..I..I'm saying I don't want you to be hung up on me when I..I die..I want you to live your life and be happy, okay?"

My lip begins to quiver. Of course Finn...passing is always in the back of my mind, but it doesn't register as something that will actually happen some day. 
"I..I can't promise that Finn..you're such an important part of me.."

"But you have to Millie! I have no future, I'm like Peter Pan. You have your whole life ahead of you," he says. His words are cold and brittle. If tangible they would melt in my hands and slip past my fingertips.

"Finnie please, can we not talk about this? Dwelling on this isn't good." 
My voice is quiet, but so is the room, so I know he heard me.

"Fine..."

Glancing over at his forlorn face breaks more than my heart, it claws at my soul. Time passes and the clock ticks, occupying the nothingness that's enveloping the room. It ticks and ticks and ticks. The hands move, five minutes, ten minutes, an hour has come and gone before Finn clears his throat. 
"I didn't mean to just blurt it like that Millie, but the idea of you not living your life to the fullest on my account kills me."

"If it makes you feel better....I promise. But I can't promise I'll keep it when the time comes."

Finn runs his pale fingers through his thick hair and tugs on the ends. Then, as unexpected as it is, he laughs. It's full and beautiful and makes his eyes sparkle.
"You know what?"

"What?" I ask with a smirk. I can't help it, his happiness is contagious.

"In some ridiculous, insane way, our parents are wonderful." 
At that my smile vanishes, replaced with a frown. Finn holds up his hands.
"Let me explain. Yes, both of our parents suck, but think about it. If my mom hadn't of smoked while she was pregnant, and if your dad wasn't a total loser who drank too much, we never would've met. If meeting you is the greatest thing life will ever bestow upon me, I wouldn't give it up or trade it for anything. Being around you makes it easier for me to breathe Millie, and that's one hell of a compliment in my book."

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~K