Constellations - |reylo|

Chapter 9

Bens P.OV.

Was I foolish to go back this early? There was no going back from here I guess, but did I want to go back? Did I want to throw away all the training I've spent years on just for this girl?

I struggled everyday trying to be what they expect to me to be what my mother wants what rey wants what the first order wants. Of course I'm willing to go back to the light but it's hard considering I've spent all my life dedicated to the dark and now after only a couple of months being away from the dark I've started acting like I've been with the light all along. But I know I will feel conflict on both sides

I feel a pull to the light while I'm still affiliated with the first order, but I might feel a pull to the dark as i become part of the light

I need a middle ground, something that will bring peace to the galaxy, something to make me a better man

A better soldier

A better husband than my father

And a better dad than my father

And a better leader.

I don't know if I truly can let go of my demons , I feel like they are in my skin imbeded in my bones

The rush I feel when I take lives but the cloudyness I feel in my heart for taking them

I don't deserve forgiveness, after all I was raised to be a monster
It's all I have known

And the lights always been there but for some reason I'm stuck on a fence between light and dark, but when I first saw her something in me clicked but why, why her of all people?
What bond was placed between us, why is it still lasting even after snoke is dead

I hate feeling soft but I'm tired of carrying weight on my shoulders
I let out a rough sigh

Looking down I see the scavenger begin to stir but something doesn't seem right, she isn't at peace in her mind, her eyes twitch and quiet profanities slur out her mouth

I place my hand above her head to ease her into a peaceful sleep, a sleep I can tell she hasn't experienced in many years

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey's P.O.V.

"Worthless" the voice spits "you worthless scavenger!"

I looked around in confusion "ben?" I whisper

"I can't do this scavenger" ben appears to my right as well as my left.

"Why would you do this to me, you ruined everything, I'll forever be in pain because of you!" He screams

My face contorts in confusion "what-"

He grabs my arms and shakes me lightly "whatever happens Rey you can't leave me, you have to promise me!"
He searches my eyes and scrunches his eyebrows as I try to back away.

"Promise me!" He screams louder

I nod my head frantically tears threatening to spill, what's going on here?

It's not real Rey, wake up. The voice whispers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I jolt up with a gasp looking around. I lean my head back and sigh, it was just a dream breathe Rey.