I don't usually think about dying.
I just often wish I wasn't here sometimes.
And the only way for that is death.
I don't like pain.
So it's only ever a thought.
Suicide isn't bad, either. It's the first thing that comes to the mind of emotional and mentally influenced people. It isn't crazy or weak, it's overbearing.
Too much coming at once and not enough time to process. That's when that trapped feeling settles in.
That clawing pain. Emptiness. Loneliness.
I don't have depression but bipolar episodes are really close to them. Depressive episodes are the lowest of the lows, man. I felt that desperation to escape but nine times out of ten I really don't know what.
I was watching netflix and someone said, "You should literally kill yourself." I flinched. That hurt and it wasn't even directed towards me.
When other people tell people they should kill theirselves or "it's not that deep" it triggers something in me.
Who the fuck are you to tell me that shit I'm going through isn't that bad. It's making me feel like shit so how the flying fuck not?!
And do not fucking tell people they should end their life. Some people really think that and that one sentence could be the end of it all.
That's brutal as hell to think about.
You were the last person to say something.
It would kind of be your fault.
I couldn't handle that on my conscience.
I wish I could give everyone a hug but that's disgusting. Too many germs in the world, but I would do it.
P.S. If you're struggling with something, contact me or your local hotline. I love you and I care about you.
