Caring For Pet Humans

Creating Drama Between Humans

So now you're bored.

All the fights that started up quickly simmered down. Some guy named Jeff took over the world and is restoring peace. Everything's calm again.

Too calm.

There's a palpable tension between neighbours on 22nd street but that's not enough.

In this chapter, I'll show you how to spice up the world. Humans are interesting when there's conflict. Without it, they just sit around all day watching TV, or depending on your timeline, remembering the Black Plague (we will learn how to start a plague in Chapter 9).

The easiest way to cause drama is the Steal-and-Plant technique. If you want to try this, all you have to do is take something very personal to one human. I'm going to pick Belinda, because she eats the chocolatey part of Oreos without the cream, like some kind of savage.

Let's say we take Belinda's secret hitlist and plant it somewhere in her best friend Tiffany's home. Pick somewhere Belinda is sure to look when she comes over for Bookclub night. And then we wait.

For those of you in time periods before the 18th century, the Steal-and-Plant technique works best with cattle (being the personal belongings, not the ones causing drama).

For the hipsters, you'll find that the human's own organs evoke the best reactions, especially in the 26th century!

Another was to cause drama is to create a situation in which one human finds it favourable to backstab another (literally or figuratively!).

There should be a shortcut for this on your control box marked with the image of a salad. No one knows why it's marked with a salad, but everyone is too afraid to ask.

I can't predict what your humans will do in the Backstab scenario (probably die), but hey, try it out and let me know.

Oh, and you should probably get rid of Jeff.