The Date

Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Kate

I was sitting at the dinner table after Leah's wedding, I was so happy for her. She looked beautiful as she danced with her new husband as he smiled down at her lovingly.

I really liked Chris; I knew he made her happy and he accepted me as Leah's friend. I couldn't believe what great friends Leah and I have become over the six fast months we have known each other but there it was, she was my best friend and I'd do anything for her. If that meant having to spend the day near Jake and his family staring at me like I'm some kind of plague than I'd have to live with it. I put myself in this position so I'm going to have to lay in it.

But God he looked good in a tux. I miss him, I thought as I took a quick gaze his way. Something I've been doing way too much today. If only I could tell him, that what I did... what really happened between us... but if I lived by 'what if's' for the rest of my life I'll miss out on the nows. I can't let him get involved with me again for his own safety. Even though Bill was now charged for what he did and was locked away for twenty-five years, didn't mean I could just walk back into Jake's life. Tina was still out there.

Maybe I should go over there and just say hi... that's not breaking the rules right? We're at the same party, I just want to make sure that we can be in the same room as each other and not start world war three. I started walking over to where Jake stood at the bar. This wouldn't be awkward right? I mean last time I saw him I was lying naked in bed but we were adults, we can get over that.

Two Months Earlier

I can't believe I just did that. It was amazing, sex with Jake always was... but something felt different about what we just shared. Compared to all the different times we had sex this time felt... empty. At one point I could feel that passion we had for each other flow through me and we were making love but then something changed. It went from something beautiful, making love... to... just fucking. It was still good but just... different.

We lay silent in the bed, just staring up at the ceiling when I felt Jake get up. He stood and put his trousers back on. I watched him jumping around the place grabbing his clothes as I pulled myself up on the bed. I pulled the covers over me tightly suddenly feeling dirty from what we just did.

I could hear his breathing coming out fast and hard. His face was steaming red and every mussel showing on his arms and face were tensing. He looked more upset than angry.

"I need to stay away from you. You do something to me" he sounded... scared as he spoke the words while thumping around putting his shoes back on. His voice was breathless. "I don't know how but you do and I can control myself around you. You make me feel weak..." he tried putting his other shoe on but his shaking hands had him throwing his shoe to the wall in frustration.

"Damn it Kate!" he leant his head into his hands. "Do you know how hard this has been for me... getting over you?" he turned his head to look at me over his shoulder.

He didn't make eye contact, thank God. I felt the wall around my heart crack. I wanted to tell him everything and jump in his arms for forgiveness but nothing had changed. He would still be in danger.

"Jake... I am sorry for the pain I've put you through"

"Why? It just doesn't make sense? I kept telling myself to stop thinking about everything because it hurt too much but I just don't understand it Kate" he looked at me with those eyes. Eyes that seemed to scream 'help me! Help me understand' but I couldn't help him. I couldn't understand why this was so hard to let go either and I was meant to be the one wanting to let go.