The Date

Chapter 45

Chapter 45

"Visiting times are over," a nurse said as I was standing outside Jakes room looking through the mirror. His family had finally left when all the other guests had to leave. I was hiding in the stairwell until they would go so I could see he was ok. Now here I was, looking into the room and seeing him lying there... lifeless.

"I'll only be a couple of minutes," I said as the nurse smiled and walked away. My heart stopped as I just stood there looking at him through the window, I didn't even notice I was crying till the tears fell off my cheek. I pulled open the door to his room, he'd only been in here twelve hours but there were cards and balloons around the place showing just how loved Jake was to his friends and family.

I started shaking as I came closer to the bed and saw how bruised his face was. I knew he normally got hit during the games but never like this... this wasn't right! I left him to keep him safe not for this to happen. I sat down in the chair next to him not really knowing what to say... it's not like he can hear me. I knew he wouldn't have been able to but I just... I needed to see his face. To see that he was alright with my own eyes and now I have I'm not sure what to do next.

"Hey," I said trying to sound cheery but then rolled my eyes at myself sounding like an idiot. "Only you would sleep through a whole day" I laughed nervously. This was the first time I'd spoken to him without him looking at me with hate in his eyes... yes he was asleep and couldn't hear me but that's not the point. The point was I could now talk to him... I could explain everything as I've wanted to do from the beginning. I could... I could say how sorry I was, I could tell him how much I loved him... then I would say goodbye for the last time. How many last times am I going to get before I finally except it is the last time?

"I... I know you can't hear me but..." I moved closer next to him on the bed. "I just... I want to say how sorry I am for hurting you Jake... but you have to understand that everything I said... everything I did... I did it for you, to keep you safe" I couldn't help but reach out and touch his face. Finally, I thought as my fingers touched his skin. This was the closes I'd been to him in a long time and I loved how warm his skin felt on my own, how amazingly soft his hair was through my fingers.

"I know that's hard to understand but it's true, you see there are things about my past that you don't know... and I want to keep it that way. I never wanted you to know me in the past that I used to be, I wanted you to see me I've made myself be..." I felt that uncontrollable sob attack my chest making me choke a little as I took a deep breath. "...but that's just it isn't it, you can't run from your past because it will catch up to you sooner or later" I pulled my hands away from him before I got too comfortable with it again. My hands had turned cold. I looked up at the cards on the side of the bed. They were from Gemma's children, saying get well soon.

I saw Karl dropped them off before.

I smiled at how amazing the people he had in his life were. Within twelve hours he had more guests than other patients that have been here weeks.

"I've never had friends and a family-like you have Jake. I've never felt happy or safe in my whole life" I took a large breath before but my voice still sounded broken. "I've never sat back and enjoyed a truly happy moment in my life without something going wrong".

I was looking at my hands as I talked to a sleeping Jake and I was still finding it hard to speak the words to him. I cried away too much these days.

"I've never trusted anyone or shared feelings with anyone when I was growing up my foster mum used to tell me that I was incapable of love... that no one could ever love me, that I was nothing and would always be nothing... after years of hearing that you can't help but start believing it" I looked back up at him and smiled at his beautiful face. "That was until I meant you. You made me feel so safe and happy, so warm and loved. You've shown me what a real family is like, that whatever happens, however many arguments you have you still have a family that is strong loving and trusting and I'm..." my voice broke in a sob. "I'm so sorry I got in the way of you being with your family Jake. They are amazing, even though they're a little scary and loud but their also strong and loyal the way a family should be" I said.

However much they upset me early today by not letting me see him and what Lilly said... I still can't help but like them. They just care so damn much about Jake how can I hate someone for that? Even if they don't want me anywhere near him.

"I know they hate me, I don't blame them I wouldn't want me in my family either... and you shouldn't get so angry with them again when you bring your next girlfriend over. Their looking out for you... don't be so hard on them... you have no idea what it's like without someone out there doing that for you. Particularly Lily she loves you so much, I would have loved to of had a sister. They just want you safe. I want you safe" I moved my fingers back through his hair.

"... and look what's happened. I know your angry with me right now and you may even... hate me, that's fine I can understand why I just... wanted to tell you that whatever you believe to be true, whatever you may think of me, I love you. So much, I always will and I'll never forget that you changed me from someone that thought couldn't be loved or feel anything to a girl that feels more love from you it doesn't seem possible. You made me believe in things again... things I could do that I didn't know I could do... things I could feel that I never knew anyone could feel.

So you see... however much you hate me... that's fine because... I'd rather have you in this world hating me than not having you in it atoll, that's why I did what I did, that's why... this has to be the end" I said caressing his cheek.

"I won't let them hurt you, I won't let my past ruin your future. The only thing I can do is walk away, just walk away and live with the memories you've given me for my dreams" I leant over and kissed him on the cheek holding his face in my hands... I just wanted him to be safe and happy... I wanted him but loved him enough to let him go.

"You're so much more than the money you have and the looks you were born with... so much more. I hope... I... I hope you find happiness, I hope you find love and I hope you find someone... someday that makes you feel the way you make me feel." I pulled away quickly grabbing my bag jumping out the room. I needed to get away from here, I needed to get away from him... every step I took I felt my heartbreaking.

Chris

When I got the call the Leah was at the hospital I was out of my seat like a shot but I never thought the next words that came out of her mouth were that my best friend was the one hurt. I met my wife at the hospital and after a good ten minutes, I managed to convince her to let Ethen... she likes to call him Parker take her home.

The doctors said he'd be fine and that he was just going to have to rest and have a bad headache for the next few nights. I watched the hit on the TV before going in to see him and I wanted to hit the big asshole.

What was he thinking of doing a move like that? He walked right into it. That wasn't like Jake to be so reckless.

By the time I got there Jakes family were leaving as visiting hours were ending. I managed to get the nurse to let me just check on him but when I got to his room, I wasn't the only one on the night time visiting bus.

I watched Kate walk into his room. I didn't know what happened between them but with him being my best friend and Leah being hers we didn't like much talking about it. From what he had said in passing was that she didn't care for him as he did for her but looking at the poor girl now I could tell that was a lie.

Before I knew what I was doing I pulled my phone out to record what she was saying.

I had a feeling Jake would need to hear this when he wakes up.