The Summer Cal Left

Chapter 14

*Farah’s P.O.V *   

  I feel alone somehow. Like no one understands me. I know that’s not true, but I can’t help but feel that way. I know Cal is waiting for me to run back into his arms, but I can’t go there just yet. I’m not ready to tell him I’m having his baby. I’m not ready to tell him I’m three weeks pregnant. That would add more stress, and that’s not good for him now.

  I miss Cal so much. Every time I walk past his house, sadness overcomes me. I want so badly to run up to him, to embrace him, and to kiss him with as much passion and intensity as our first kiss. But I know if I do I will break down. I have to be strong for him. I can’t show anymore weakness and in order to do that, I have to get myself together.

  It’s been three weeks since I last saw Cal, three long weeks. Staying away from him is the hardest thing I’ll ever do. I’ll come back to him soon, when the time is right. I don’t know when that will be exactly, though. I can’t say it will be tomorrow, or even this month. I just need time, and that’s something we both don’t have enough of.

  I slowly walk down the sidewalk, heading to the tree house. I’ve been going there every day since I found out about the baby. I usually go in the morning, knowing Cal won’t be there. I climb the unstable ladder, placing my feet on the wooden platform. I stand there for a moment, not knowing what to do next.

  “Cal?” I mumble. “W-what are you doing here?” I stare at him for a moment, taking in all his features. His hair is gone, his face is pale and he looks too thin. Cal makes his way to his feet, walking over to me.

  “Farah,” He breathes, wrapping me in his arms. He holds me tight against his thin body. I can’t help but wrap my arms around him, breathing in his familiar sent. Oh how I have missed him. “Why have you been ignoring me?” He asks. Why, exactly, am I ignoring him? I know it’s because of the baby, but there has to be another reason. Something even I don’t know.

  I pull out of his arms and stare into his deep brown eyes. I can see a whole other world there, in his eyes. When I look into them, it’s like I am escaping into a whole other place, a place where I was meant to be. It’s there, beyond the depths of light in his eyes. Just beyond the waves of passion and mountains of love is where I find the courage and the answer we are both looking for.

  “I’m scared.” I reply softly, the words echoing around us like broken air. “I’m scared that getting too close to you will wind up getting me hurt. I’m scared that if I finally give into this growing hunger I feel for you, it will be the end because then you will be gone. Cal I have known you my whole life and every time I turn around, you have always been a step behind me. I don’t know what I will do when the day comes that I will look behind me, and you won’t be there.”

  Cal stares at me for a moment, collecting his words. He closes his eyes. Calmly, he opens his mouth as if to say something, but then quickly changes his mind. He takes a deep breath and tries again.

  “Farah,” he breathes, “I’ve spent my whole life wondering what it would be like to hold you in my arms, burying my face in your soft hair. I have wondered what it would be like to kiss your pale lips with passion you only see in movies. I’ve wanted that my whole life, and now I’ve finally got it. I refuse to give that up. I refuse to let you go.”

  I look into the depths of his brown eyes finding memories stored away deep within them. His expression doesn’t falter as I reach up to wipe away a tear off his cheek.

  “I won’t leave you, Cal.” I reply softly. “I’ll always be here, one step behind you, waiting to catch you when you fall.” His expression warms but it vanishes all too quickly when he stares into my eyes. “But I need time. I need time to get myself together. You understand that, don’t you?” He backs away slowly, shaking his head rapidly.

  “No,” he says with his eyes closed. “You’re…you’re giving up on me. You’re already planning for the worse, when I’m still standing right in front of you.” His eyes fly open and he stares at me blandly. “You don’t have to pretend anymore, you know. You don’t have to stand by my side, acting as if you care. See, Farah, the problem is that you never really loved me the way I love you. You never really wanted to be anything more than friends. You only said that because you found out I was dying, fading away into ash. You don’t care about me or how I feel.”

  “No, Cal, that’s not true!” He turns away from me and punches the wooden wall, causing a gaping hole to appear. I place my hand over my mouth, silently sobbing.

  “I’m done waiting for you to come around. I’m done begging you to stay with me, to help me get through this. Most of all, I’m done with you.” He storms toward the ladder and makes his way down, ignoring my cries.

  I fall to my knees, wrapping my arms tightly around my body. Cal is gone, leaving me to break all by myself. He was the glue holding the pieces together. Without him, I scatter on the floor, a million puzzle pieces unable to be put together. I cry for him, hoping he will hear me and turn around.

  “I’m pregnant!” I shout at the top of my lungs. The wind doesn’t change, the sounds don’t falter. Cal doesn’t come running like I hoped. He doesn’t even break his stride as he walks out of my life.